Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003)

Directed by Jan de Bont Writing credits (WGA) Steven E. de Souza (story) and James V. Hart (story) ...

The skin on Lara's upper left arm is rarely seen exposed in this film. Angelina Jolie sports a large tattoo on her upper left bicep which requires make-up to cover up. The fact her left arm is rarely bared in this film (her opening scene in a bikini is shot in such a way her RIGHT arm, not her left, dominates) may be due to criticism that the tattoo was sometimes poorly concealed in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001).

In the previous film, Angelina Jolie had to wear bra padding in order for her bust size to measure up to the videogame character's. Jolie wears considerably less (and possibly no) padding in this film, as the decision was made to give Lara more realistic dimensions.

The episode of SpongeBob SquarePants playing on the television is "Jellyfishing" from the first season of the show.

At the time of the film's release, Angelina Jolie said she had no desire to play the character a third time. Nonetheless, some planning for a third feature was undertaken until early 2004 when the studio announced plans for another Lara Croft film starring Jolie had been cancelled.

Christmas has been somewhat disappointing so far this year. No snow, no time off for New Year's and an unhealthy dose of food poisoning haven't put me in the best of moods. Even the lack of anything on TV, cable or otherwise, has been compounded by my family only having two DVDs I have any interest in. But we're only three days into my holiday and I sat down to watch this (the second) with some trepidation. Never being a big fan of the game series and being even less of a fan of game-movie cross-overs, it really wasn't looking good for Ms Jolie's second outing as the top-heavy Lara Croft.

This time, Croft is called upon by the British Government to recover Pandora's Box and prevent it from falling into the evil clutches of stereotypical English baddie Jonathan Reiss (Ciarán Hinds). Naturally, such an important artefact isn't just laying around somewhere so she enlists the help of former lover and mercenary Terry Sheridan (Gerard Butler) to give her a helping hand. In essence, this is more Jemina Bond than James Bond as our pouting heroine leaps, vaults and blasts her way through several locations (think of them as levels) in her quest to save humanity, etc etc. Despite the high production values, one can't help thinking that the film-makers took the plot from a game that even Eidos (the makers of the "Tomb Raider" series of games) didn't like the look of.

Shockingly, perhaps, but I've never been a big Lara Croft fan in any of her incarnations. Computer screen, silver screen or filthy internet comics - Lara is little more than a marketing gimmick, designed to appeal to a very undemanding level of consumer - the teenage boy. The long legs, tight costumes and big guns all firmly trap Lara in a place she can never escape from. A poster pin-up. I will admit that Jolie plays the role very well - her English accent is commendable and her resemblance to the character is extraordinary. Yes, that one-dimensional character is replicated in perfect detail for your enjoyment but I'm afraid I need more from my movie-going experience than fancy stunts and gratuitous nipple shots.

Nothing about this picture feels right. From the simply awful CGI shark scene in the beginning to the completeness of Lara' character - it's like she's a trench-coat short of being Neo from "The Matrix", leaping about from place to place and doing things that are simply impossible. I'm thinking, primarily, about a scene where she descends a cliff-face on a rough-looking piece of hemp rope, sliding backwards with her feet to the sky and shooting disposable baddies left, right and centre. And all without even a friction burn! Someone get me the name of her hand-cream, please! In the end, the whole thing just gets ridiculous as each scene tries to trump the one that went before it. What now? Strange shadow demons? Yawn.

In trying to be different from it's obvious inspiration (the "Indiana Jones" trilogy), "Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life" ends up being just another re-run of a well-worn track. Even the name of the movie is trying to emulate Harrison Ford's second finest hour after "Star Wars". The game is called "Tomb Raider" so why add the character's name to the front of the picture? I admit, it's a mute point but it's illustrative of the film-makers going after their target audience by stating exactly what the film is about: Lara Croft. Try as I might but the only other female characters I could find is the old woman in China with the motorbikes (and don't even get me started on that!) and the little girl with the bubblegum. Everybody else is male. After so much effort and so much hype, this is one film that you really only need to see once, if at all. This is one franchise in serious need of a reboot.