A short -- but useful -- guide to CSUS

Many of you have just started doing time at college and I'm sure you have many questions about your new school. Even people that have been here for awhile probably have questions. So, here it is a short but useful guide to CSUS.

Q. What is the CSUS mascot?

A. Our mascot is the mighty Hornet, king of the jungle. This mascot was decided on about fifty years ago just barely beating out two other candidates.

The name of the Hornet is Herkie (which I understand is short for Herkie-tron). Other names which were considered by Sac State founders were: Stinky Joe, Thor, Michael Caine and Flava-Flav.

Q. What's going on with the Guy West bridge?

A. They are putting the road underneath it so that users of the bridge will not have to cross the street to get to school. Crossing streets was not one of students' best skills. Students were constantly being squished in years past. Plus, they are adding a big cement thing that seems to be some sort of silo, helipad, or castle.

Q. What is there to do on campus?

A. I like to chase squirrels with a stick or sit by the bridge and wonder what the hell that big cement thing is. And of course there's always sittin' around and drinkin' beer.

Q. Where's the best rope swing on the river?

A. About halfway between J street and the Guy West bridge there is a big scary rope swing which I believe was built by Nazis. It's terrifying if you're a big sissy like me, but fear-loving macho types seem to really enjoy it.

Q. How is the football team?

A. To my knowledge we have no football team.

Q. No really how's the football team?

A. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Q. C'mon!! How's the team?

A. They have pretty helmets.

Q. Where can I get a $2.99 NY Steak with a side of green beans and a basket of sliced wheat sandwich bread?

A. Lil Joe's on Del Paso Blvd.

Q. Where did they get the names for the buildings on campus?

A. The buildings are named after famous people in our school's history: Lou Mendocino, Suzy Amador, Lord Byron Von Calaveras, Pinky Solono, Linda Business-Administration, and Lefty Q. Library.

Well, that's pretty much all you need to know about CSUS. See you at the rope swing.