Resolution: Join a gym

Go home, have a good Christmas or Hanukkah or just stay in bed out of the cold.

Or, get off your tail and work off the Thanksgiving turkey you sucked down last month before you celebrate the month-and-a-half hiatus from Sac State with spiked eggnog and candy.

Shed the winter layer with a little exercise.

Feel the burn.

I hate the Y2K phenomenon. Forget that garbage and join a gym. Students have to spend enough time in front of a computer for schoolwork as it is, let alone the fact that they have to work full-time to pay for tuition and books, which leaves them just enough time to grab a fat burger on their way to the girlfriend’s house in a feeble attempt to maintain a human to human relationship in a crazy world of diminishing interpersonal interaction.

Sorry. Forget all that stuff and feel the burn.

Men and women’s basketball will have a busy break. The ladies will have it rough, kicking off their winter recess in the Bahamas with a four-day tournament before returning to play five of their next seven on the road. The men start by going to Stanford to play the game of their lives and then to Houston to face Clyde “The Glide” Drexler’s team. Conference games start in early January for both teams.

They will be in shape; meanwhile the rest of Sac State will be wiping the powdered sugar from the corners of their mouths so they can wash it down with a turkey sandwich and six pieces of fudge.

Feel the burn.

Where are you going for the new millennium? Crazy, that’s where. Eat and drink to excess while sacrificing sleep and sanity. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Hurry up to have fun. It’s like my parents on vacation. Go everywhere and see nothing.

Want to know where I will be on New Year’s Eve? Nowhere. Right in the middle of nowhere, away from all the madness and disquietude about technological miscarriages and computer Armageddon.

Let’s feel the burn.

Run away from the lunacy. Run away from excess. Run for the sake of your belly like a bowl full of jelly. Play a sport. Watch a sport.

We all love food. I love food. I love Bowl games and basketball. I love chips and dip and buffalo wings. I love my mom’s cheeseball and my grandma’s fudge.

What we need to love is exercise. We as automobile addicts and internet introverts — we need to make time to feel the burn.

A little work on the student body.

Soft body.

Supple. Good for love, bad for the health of Hornets.

In the olden days before e-anything and when digital was a kind of watch, people walked to work, ate fatty food because they didn’t spend 12 hours a day in a chair and were enamored with the future and what could be possible. “Someday we will do all our shopping from our home. That way we will never have to interact with anybody. Yay!”

Don’t hate people. Go to the mall and watch for the little pieces of seasonal cheer that will remind you what it is like to be human.

Quit complaining about your fake case of carpal tunnel and join a gym you foppish pansy. Get a workout buddy. It will make you feel better.

Feel the burn.

Here is the Sac State universal New Year’s resolution. Go to a women’s basketball game. Go to a men’s game. Go to a Kings’ game and go to the gym. Ski once and ice skate twice. Balls to the wall for better health in the happiest time of the year.

See you in the spring. Hornet pride.