Crashed the car, so I'm off the road for a while. Actually have some free time to write! Here's something that's been percolating for while on the backbench - Part 1 and some scenes from Part 2. Tell me what you think. Phil. NERIMA WEIRDNESS: SHAMPOO'S NIGHTMARE Part 1: Shampoo's Misfortune. Ranma Gets A Break? By Kagami The clear sky and fluffy clouds denoted the start of a beautiful Sunday in Nerima. Birds sang as the dawn touched them with a benediction of light. The morning peace seemed untouchable ... and was rudely broken by a series of echoing shouts from the Tendo Dojo. More specifically, the yells originated from the Tendo backyard, and punctuated the morning practice of Ranma Saotome and his father, Genma. "Get back here, Pop!" Ranma growled with annoyance as his father dodged all of his strikes with consummate skill. The old fool might be overweight and certainly had less total ability than Ranma, but he made up for that with many more years of experience and an overwhelming knowledge of his son's tactics. "You're getting slow, son," Genma commented as he loosed a flurry of punches and kicks at his quicksilver opponent. "Slow, eh?" crowed Ranma as he slipped a palm strike through his father's defences, leaving the old man short of breath. "An opening!" An incredibly accurate snap-kick sent Genma into the ever-present koi pond, where he emerged as a dripping giant panda. The fight continued as the panda attempted to redeem his morning dunk by sending Ranma towards the same fate. However, at the very edge of the pond, Ranma slapped his hand onto a boundary stone, and redirected his inertia into a graceful flip which allowed him to land unscathed on the other side of the pond. "You'll have to do better than that, Pop." Ranma smirked, glad to have avoided triggering his Jusenkyo curse. *Don't worry, son. I will,* stated a panda sign. With that, both of them leapt back into the fray. --- Shampoo was also enjoying the beautiful morning as she made her way to the Tendo Dojo on her bicycle. It would be a perfect backdrop for a date with Ranma. Visions of a perfect date flowed through her mind, intermixed with various graphic reasons for the non-interference of the other fiancees. Her great-grandmother had given her the day off, allowing her to continue her efforts to marry Ranma. Technically, they were already married by Amazon law, but Ranma continued to resist her advances with a baffling timidity. Shampoo shook her head in confusion. She was strong, beautiful and she could cook. A husband couldn't ask for more, especially in the Amazon tribe. Why was Ranma so resistant? It didn't really matter. Today, she would date Ranma and show him that she was the best possible choice. With that decision made, she bounced the bicycle off the road and over the wall of the Tendo Dojo. --- Ranma and Genma were still sparring fiercely when the bouyant yell interrupted them. "Nihao, airen!" Shampoo! Ranma's eyes jerked up and opened wide as he noticed Shampoo descending towards him on her Bicycle of Doom (tm). The panda was also startled by the sudden interruption, and spun around with a questioning sign held up. *Huh?!* Time seemed to slow as Ranma watched the inevitable happen. Shampoo, in her descending arc, impacted violently into the upheld sign, and was thrown backwards into the wall. She slid onto the ground, completely unconscious, as her bicycle crashed next to Ranma. The next panda sign said it all, *Uh oh.* --- Akane was dragged from a disturbing but very pleasant dream, involving whipped cream and Ranma, by the loud crash. As her mind cleared from the peace of sleep, her anger at being awoken emerged with full force, drawing a deep snarl from her throat. "RanMA!! It's a Sunday morning!" Akane growled into her pillow. Ranma's voice echoed from the yard, intermixed with the growfs of a frustrated panda. Resigned to getting up early, Akane crawled from her warm bed and snatched up her heavy, wooden mallet, determined to pound the two Saotome idiots into the ground for waking her up. The cool morning air chilled her exposed feet and hands slightly as she stepped into the living room. However, that detail was quickly forgotten as she took in the scene before her. Ranma was examining an unconscious Shampoo as Mr. Saotome waved a bunch of confusing signs in the air. The sight of that pervert touching another girl, especially Shampoo, was too much to withstand. It should have been me that he was touching! Wait ... that didn't come out right. Never mind! She focused on her anger, and raised her mallet as she stepped towards the trio in the yard. "Ranma! What have you done now?" "Akane!" Ranma's mind started gibbering as he quickly associated the following facts: Akane + anger + mallet + Ranma in a suspicious position = malleted Ranma. "It's not what you thi ..." Wait, that had never helped. Try an attack. Ranma pointed at his father, "It's all his fault!" A veritable forest of panda signs sprang up, all of them disclaiming any responsibility for the recent events. Prominent among the signs were *I didn't do it!* and *Nobody saw me do it!* "C'mon, Pop. Don't be so modest. You knocked Shampoo out! Defeated her completely." Hah! That was it! Akane was confused now, lowering her mallet as she mulled over things. That wouldn't last, but while she was occupied, he had an opportunity and he could ... uh oh! "Saotome-kun, could you keep it down a little? It is a Sunday after all." Soun stepped into the yard. For a brief, blissful moment, he was completely oblivious to the scene, but then, "Ranma! Explain this!" Ranma wanted to break and run as Soun's demon head reached epic proportions, but he did have a winning strategy after all. Steeling himself, he put all of his confidence into a brilliant smirk and began the task of redirecting Soun's anger. "Don't look at me, Mr. Tendo. Like I said before, it's all the panda's fault." Ranma pointed at his father, who was attempting his 'Just an ordinary panda' routine. "He knocked Shampoo out when she interrupted our sparring." The demon head blinked, and then turned to his friend, "SAOTOME ..." The panda protested his innocence. Signs with *It wasn't me!* and *It's not my fault!* were desperately waved in the air. *I don't know anything about ...* A new voice interrupted his pleas, "Actually, Mr. Saotome, I caught it all on camera." "Nabiki ..." --- NERIMA WEIRDNESS: SHAMPOO'S NIGHTMARE Part 2: For Love of Shampoo! Can Mousse Prevail? By Kagami "For two thousand yen, I can tell you how to solve your problem." Nabiki smirked confidently. The answer was really so simply and she would make an easy profit from it. Genma paid up without a murmur and Nabiki's grin grew even broader. "It's quite simple. You're married, so the Amazon laws shouldn't apply to you." Genma's expression slowly brightened. He was saved! This whole mess would quietly disappear and Nodoka would never hear about it. While Genma lost himself in the rapture of his close escape, Nabiki fondled the yen bills in her hand, delighting in their warm rustle. Money really was better than sex. Unfortunately, an ancient voice interrupted their moment of bliss. "Actually, I'm afraid that argument is not valid, Nabiki Tendo. The Joketsuzo do not recognize foreign marriages because..." Cologne would have continued, but she realized that no one was listening. Genma was crying out pleas and prayers again, while Nabiki was staring at the yen in her hand with the word 'Refund' looming like some black nemesis in her mind. --- Mousse trembled as the nude images of Shampoo and a horrifyingly realistic Genma seared into his defenceless mind. If he continued to think about it, his eyes would probably give out completely. He opened his eyes. "Arrggghhh! I'm blind!" "Stupid Mousse, you no wear glasses." Shampoo bapped him on the head, even as she lowered his glasses into place.