Centaur a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Vince Seifert (seifertv@csus.edu) Ranma 1/2 characters and situations are copyright 1987, 1999 by Takahashi Rumiko. Publishing rights (Japan) by Shogakukan Inc. Publishing rights (North America) by Viz Inc. This work is not intended to infringe those rights. Chapter 3: Beauty and the Beast ~~~~~ Kasumi put the last clean dish away and turned to survey her domain. The sink and countertop sparkled in the electric light, everything was neatly put away, and the towels were drying on their racks; the kitchen was ready for the night. In the morning it would come alive again with the presence of its mistress, and delicious meals would emerge from it to nourish her family. Akane and Ranma had their dojo, and she had her kitchen. For the moment, though, its duty was done, and so was hers. Akane and Ranma were off somewhere, no doubt enjoying each other's company, and Soun was out with Genma. No one needed her; she could go upstairs and read for a while before going to bed. The prospect was no more appealing than it had been the night before, and the night before that, and-- "Damn you, old man, come back here!" "Heh heh heh! Not on your life!" Kasumi frowned slightly. *That's not Ranma chasing Ojii- san.* She stepped out of the kitchen just as Happosai came bounding along the hallway. A lithe figure wearing a purple- scaled vest and matching bracers rounded the corner after him, snarling. Happosai slipped past Kasumi into the kitchen. "Get out of the way!" the pursuer shouted at Kasumi, but Kasumi had already imagined the consequences of obedience. "No, Taro-san!" she exclaimed, blocking the doorway. "You can't!" Pantyhose-Taro skidded to a halt, astonished, then peered past her at Happosai. The old man was reclining on the counter, smoking his pipe and watching his own smoke-rings. Taro glared at Kasumi. "I said, get out of my way!" Kasumi flinched, but then her expression became determined and she slid into a stance, guarding the doorway. "I'm very sorry, but I can't let you destroy my kitchen. Not again. Please excuse me, Taro-san." Taro looked her up and down, smirking. "You're joking. You don't really think you can keep me from going in there for that old geezer, do you?" "Heh! She's doing pretty well so far!" Happosai put in from behind her. "Damn you, you old--" Taro's eyes shifted from Happosai to Kasumi. "Last chance. Get out of the way or get hurt. You pretend to be a fighter, I'll treat you like one." "I'm sorry, Taro-san." Kasumi couldn't quite keep her voice steady. Taro shrugged. "You asked for it--" He struck at Kasumi, a simple sweeping open palm to knock her sideways while he darted forward. Kasumi slipped inside it, pivoting, and Taro ran into the wall instead of through the door. "What--" His eyes narrowed. "Heh." He attacked again with lightning jabs and whirlwind kicks, and Kasumi danced around them like she did with Ranma's, but this wasn't Ranma; he was taller, and really wanted to hurt her, and he was older than Ranma, and would make her beautiful kitchen into wreckage, and he moved like flowing water, and he wasn't Akane's-- oh, my! Pow! "KASUMI!" "SISTER!" *Oh, Akane and Ranma are home,* Kasumi thought just before she slammed into the wall and crumpled to the floor. ~~~~~ Pantyhose-Taro looked down at the woman he'd just felled. The way into the kitchen was clear, but his original intent no longer seemed quite so urgent. He looked at his hand, then looked up at Ranma and Akane converging on him like avenging angels. Retreating, he absently deflected Ranma's lunge into the table at the end of the hallway, blocked Akane's flying kick so that she fell on top of Ranma, then turned and fled through the main room without losing his air of preoccupation. Akane was up first, but Ranma passed her as they cleared the veranda and caught Taro before he could jump the wall. Akane flung herself into the affray. Wham! Thump! Crash! Splash! Taro leapt over the wall and was gone. Ranma stood up in the koi pond and glared after him. "Goddamn Pantyhose-bastard!" She turned to Akane. "You okay?" "I'm fine." Akane struggled out of the bushes. "Never mind me. How's Kasumi?" "Oh, hell!" Ranma sprang out of the pond and raced back into the house with Akane right behind her. By the time they reached the kitchen, Kasumi was already up, clinging to the doorframe. There was no sign of Happosai. "Sister? Are you all right?" Akane demanded. "That Pantyhose-Taro! I can't believe even he would be so mean!" "I...." Kasumi let go of the doorframe and looked down the hallway, the way Taro had come and gone. A confused look crossed her face, and then a horrified expression replaced it. She whirled and fled up the stairs. Akane and Ranma heard her door open and close. "That was weird," Ranma remarked. Akane was still staring after her eldest sister. "It sure was...." She suddenly turned to Ranma. "I'm going to see if she needs anything. You go teach that Pantyhose-Taro a lesson." "Uh... right." Ranma shouldered past her into the kitchen. Akane frowned at her. "Well, what are you waiting for?" "Hot water," Ranma said, running some water into a kettle and putting it on the stove. "I'm not gonna teach Pantyhose-Taro much of a lesson like this." She gestured at herself. "Oh, all right." Akane started up the stairs. ~~~~~ Tap tap tap. "Kasumi? Sister?" Kasumi didn't move. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to face Akane or not. A moment later, Akane made the decision for her by opening the door slowly and peering in. "Are you all right? Can I come in?" "I suppose so," Kasumi said, her voice muffled by her hands over her face. She realized that she must be a sight, sitting on the floor in the dark; she dropped her hands to her lap and straightened a little as Akane came in. "No, please don't turn the light on. And close the door, if you would." The door closed and the dark returned. "Are you hurt, Kasumi?" Akane's voice was worried. "Not really. Just my pride, and a bruise or two. I should have known better." "Oh, good." Akane's tone changed from concerned to exasperated. "What on earth happened, then? I mean, honestly! Fighting Pantyhose-Taro?" "Yes, I know it was silly, Akane. Ojii-san ran into the kitchen, and Taro-san was chasing him. I remembered how he wrecked my kitchen the last time, and I had to try to defend it." "From Pantyhose-Taro? But he's just about as good as Ranma. Better, some ways." "I know." Kasumi sighed. "I suppose I thought practicing kempo these last few months made me a fighter, but now I know I'm not, and I doubt I ever will be. I don't have the edge that Ranma has, or that you have. I suddenly realized it was for real and I panicked, and that's when he hit me." She omitted the other reason she'd panicked; fortunately, the dark hid her blush from Akane. "I don't get it." Kasumi smiled ruefully, unseen. "Well, perhaps it's never happened to you; you ARE a fighter." "I suppose." Akane stood up. "Well, if you don't need me, I'm going to go find Ranma. He's out looking for Pantyhose-Taro to beat him up, and I want to be there to help." Kasumi made up her mind. "Wait, Akane... I mean, if you don't mind, I...." "What's wrong, Kasumi?" Akane asked slowly, settling back onto her shins. "I, um, I want your advice." Pause. "YOU want MY advice?" said Akane incredulously. "That's a switch." "Well, there are things you know a lot more about than I do. Love. Marriage. Um... men." "Not 'men'," Akane said dryly. "Just one man. And sometimes I feel like I don't know that much about him, either." "Well, it involves Ranma, in a way, but... promise you won't tell him any of this?" "Kasumi...." "If you won't promise to keep this our secret, I just won't be able to bring myself to say it. And I really need to talk to someone." Akane sighed. "All right. I promise." "Thank you, Akane. Um... how do you feel about Ranma?" There was a brief pause, then a snort. "He's a rude, inconsiderate baka who never thinks before he talks. He's my sensei and my best friend. He's my whole life, and I don't want to think about living without him." "Oh, my. Is that love?" "I guess it must be...." "It sounds like he still has a lot of faults, though. Do you think you'll be able to train him out of them?" Akane considered. "It's the weirdest thing," she said finally. "All those things that I couldn't stand about him at first are still there, but they don't matter anymore. They're just... Ranma. I mean, if he brought me flowers or complimented me without blushing and stammering, I'd wonder if he was sick. I used to think I wanted things like that, but look what happened. Kuno brought me flowers and complimented me all the time, and Ryoga was nice to me and brought me presents, but I didn't love them. I loved Ranma instead, who teased me, and kept me company, and drove me crazy, and protected me more times than I can count. Go figure." "Well, I think it's sweet," Kasumi said. "But when did you realize that you loved him?" "I... don't know. I guess I started to notice that he... well... he mattered to me, more than anyone else. Didn't you feel that way about Tofu-sensei?" "No. Not really. I guess I hoped that someday I'd feel that way about him, and that he'd feel something like that for me, but... it never happened. I can't help thinking that if I'd done more to make it happen... oh, well." Kasumi shook off the weight of lost opportunity and pressed on. "So it wasn't love at first sight for you and Ranma, then?" "Heh. Hardly. It was something at first sight, but it sure wasn't love." "First sight," Kasumi mused. "Yes, you did get quite a good look at him in the bath that first day, didn't you?" "It wasn't like that! HE got a good look at ME, the lecher! He... um... well... now that you mention it, I-- stop it, Kasumi, I can HEAR you looking at me that way! Yes, I got a good look, all right?" "And?" "Um... he was... wow. Especially his chest. Oh, my." "Ah." "Well, you've seen him! Most of him, anyway." "Oh, yes," said Kasumi wistfully. Pause. "I hope this isn't heading where I think it's heading, Kasumi. I'm not sharing Ranma with ANYone, not even my dear sister." "No, no, nothing like that," Kasumi said hastily. "I just want your advice on, well, men and women." "You mean, um, sex, don't you?" "Well, not exactly... my goodness, Akane, I see what you mean about hearing someone look at you. Yes, if you must be blunt about it, I suppose so." Akane snickered. "Remember before my wedding, when Nabiki accused me of wanting to get laid? I wonder what she'd say about you." "I know what she'd say about me," Kasumi said with a hint of reproach. "That's why I'm talking to you, and not to her." "Um. Sorry, Kasumi, I didn't mean it that way...." "It's true, though," Kasumi whispered. "I hear you and Ranma at night, and some afternoons, and occasionally in the morning--" "Ack! I'm sorry about that! I, um, I just can't, I mean, he... argh." Kasumi could almost hear Akane's blush. "I'll try not to make so much noise from now on--" "No, Akane! That's not what I meant! It's a joyful sound. It's life, and maybe soon new life, and I see you glowing afterwards, and it's so clear how good he makes you feel. I'm glad. It's just... oh, this is awful of me, but I can't help feeling that I want something like that for myself, too." "Oh. Well, since you're not hoping to get it from Ranma, I wish you all the luck in the world," Akane said cautiously. "No. Not Ranma. He's yours. I want a husband of my own. Not a fling, or an affair, or a shack-up, or whatever they call it. I want a family of my own to cook for and clean up after and keep house for." "Kasumi.... I'm sorry. I know we've been a burden to you...." Kasumi reached out in the dark and found her sister's hand. "No, no, it's all right. It's just that it feels like I've been pretending to be a mother all these years, but it's only been... practice. I want to be a real mother." "Well, I want to be an auntie," Akane said, sniffling a little. "But like you said, you need a husband for that. If I knew someone I thought you'd like, I'd introduce you, but...." "Actually, you do. He's about the same age as I am, very good-looking, an excellent martial artist--" "Now wait just a darn minute, Kasumi. You can't be thinking-- my god, you are." "Well, why not? If you could learn to love Ranma's faults, perhaps I could learn to love Taro-san's." Kasumi paused to give Akane a chance to comment, but Akane appeared to be unable to say anything. "And when we were, um, fighting, it was... well... thrilling. I don't know if I love him, but he certainly has an effect on me." "Argh. My big sister has the hots for Pantyhose-Taro. Kasumi, you baka." "I'm sorry you feel that way," Kasumi said, hurt. "It came as a surprise to me too, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. My, um, my body is saying one thing, and my head is saying another, but my heart hasn't voted yet. I was hoping for your help." Akane sighed. "Oh, I'll help you. I think you're nuts, but I'll help you. Someone has to; you definitely need help." She giggled suddenly. "Father's going to have a fit when he finds out." "I wonder what Ranma will say...." ~~~~~ "That son of a bitch," Ranma muttered to himself, scanning the night from the apex of his leap. "Where's he hiding-- ah!" He caught a glimpse of purple in the cone of a streetlight and changed course, bouncing rapidly into a small park. "Hey, Pantyhose-Taro!" Taro straightened hastily, brushing at his forehead, and tried to look like he hadn't been pounding it on the large concrete pig that adorned the playground. "Hey yourself, girly- boy," he greeted Ranma. "I thought you'd show up for some more punishment." Ranma had intended to charge in and pummel Taro without further ado, but he brought up short; something about the other youth's behavior suggested that he wasn't exactly proud of his actions. Still.... Ranma smirked. "Looks like you started beating yourself up already. I'll finish the job for ya." He assumed an aggressive pose and cracked his knuckles. "Nobody hits Kasumi, you bastard." A quick flash of remorse flitted across Taro's sneer. "It's your own damn fault. You taught her just enough to think she could fight, but not enough to know when to step back." "MY fault?!" Ranma yelled, stung. "You're the one who hit 'er, dammit!" He made a slashing gesture with one hand. "Hell with it. You got some lumps comin'." Taro's eyes glinted. "In your dreams, girly-boy." He pushed off the pig and sprang forward, meeting Ranma's rush in the middle of the sandbox. There was a quick, violent swirl of limbs and then Ranma came flying out, catching himself on one hand and flipping into a crouch. Taro straightened, but Ranma was on him again a second later. They traded a hail of blows and separated, leaping apart. "How could you hit Kasumi?!" Ranma demanded. "She wouldn't hurt a bug! I've seen her carry spiders out of the kitchen 'cause she didn't wanna squash 'em!" "It was that old man," Taro said harshly. "He ran into the kitchen, and she wouldn't get out of the way. Just like your goddamn Musabetsu Kakuto for the master to hide behind a woman's skirts." "Jiji's more likely to flip 'em up than hide behind 'em," Ranma snorted. "There had to be somethin' else." "Look, she pretended to be a martial artist. I don't have your stupid ideas about not hitting girls." Ranma half-smiled. "I'm gettin' over that one. But I don't hit Kasumi to hurt her, even in practice. She's kind and nice and gentle." "Yeah, not like that little firecracker who's sweet on you." Ranma stared. "'Sweet on'-- jeez, did everyone know except me?!" "Well, you're an idiot," Taro pointed out, smirking. He looked away. "And now I've ruined my chance with her." He struck a melodramatic pose, one hand to his forehead, the other out and down in a gesture of rejection. "She called me 'Taro- san!' She knew my name and was nice to me anyway!" "What, before you hit her or after?" Ranma interjected, confused. "Before, moron. You saw everything that happened after." Taro lowered his hand and sighed. "I never noticed before she stood up to me, but she's pretty, too." "And a great cook," Ranma added, then caught himself; an awful suspicion dawned on him. "And a great cook. Why do these things happen to me?! Curse you, Happosai! Another chance at happiness, ruined!" "Wait a minute, Pantyhose-Taro," Ranma said slowly. "You're not thinkin' about my sister that way, are ya?" "Don't call me that, girly-boy." Taro paused. "What do you mean, 'sister'? Did you find out your family tree was a bit twisted? I can believe it." "Huh? Why, you--!" "So what happened? Since your old man's as ball-less as a steer, Tendo must have slipped it to your momma--" "AARGH!" Pow! Whap! Wham! CRASH! Jingle! Thump. "What a witty comeback," Taro panted. Ranma disentangled himself from the swing set and staggered to his feet. "You yak-brained idiot! I married Akane!" "Really? Congratulations. Or maybe condolences. She could still be your half-sister, though--" "AARGH!" Taro held up a hand, smirking. "Just kidding. Nice to see you're still easy to piss off." "Look who's talking, Pantyhose-Taro." Ranma found himself feeling unaccountably good despite his lumps and bruises; it was a pleasure to tangle with a worthy opponent. He eyed Taro, comparing the visible damage to his own, and decided honor had been satisfied. "I told you not to call me that!" Taro stormed. Ranma folded his arms, leaned casually against the concrete pig, and shrugged. "Hey, it's not like I haven't tried to help you get Jiji to change your name. If you call me Ranma, maybe-- just maybe-- I'll call you 'Taro' like Kasumi does." "Kasumi...." Taro stared up into the spring night. "Cut it out, man, you're makin' me gag," Ranma protested. "It doesn't matter anyway," Taro muttered. "I hit her, and now she hates me." "Hey, I hit Shampoo, and it took me a year and a half to get rid of her." "Those Joketsuzoku are crazy. I could have defeated one any time I really wanted a wife, but who'd want a girl who always had to be on top?" "Heh. Tell me about it." "So how did you get rid of her, anyway?" Ranma looked uncomfortable. "Long story." "Huh." Taro eyed Ranma. "It's a pity, though. I mean, if one of the Tendo girls was fool enough to marry you, I would've been a shoo-in." Ranma shuddered. "Forget it. If you marry my sister-in- law, that'd make you my brother-in-law. Blech." Taro started to grimace, then got a gleam in his eye. "That would annoy you, would it?" "It'd drive me crazy," Ranma said emphatically. Then he caught sight of Taro's sly grin. "Oh, crap." "Heh, heh, heh." Taro rubbed his hands together. "And I'd be living in the same house with Happosai, which means I could drive HIM crazy until he changed my name...." "You're overlookin' something," Ranma said happily. "Kasumi's mad at you, and you sure don't wanna woo Nabiki; you can't afford it. And Akane's taken." "Damn." Taro looked at Ranma, and slowly an unaccustomed friendly expression forced its way onto his face. "Ranma, old buddy--" "Yeep!" Ranma cringed away with a horrified expression. "--I'll bet you know Kasumi well enough to tell me how to-- gah!" Taro took a deep breath and shook his head hard. "Forget it. It's not worth it, girly-boy." "Jeez, that's the most frightening thing you've ever done, Pantyhose-Taro," Ranma observed. "Good. Now shut up and go away. I want to think." "Don't strain anything," Ranma advised acidly. "See you around." He left, running back the way he'd come and leaving Taro to his own company. ~~~~~ "You were supposed to beat HIM up!" Akane exclaimed when Ranma came in. "Look at you!" Ranma looked down at himself, brushed at a smudge on his shirt, and shrugged. "Ah, this is nothing. He looks worse." "Oh. Well, all right, then." Akane stared at Ranma, biting her lip. *Don't tell him Kasumi's got the hots for Pantyhose- Taro...* Ranma looked away from Akane, suddenly afraid that his thoughts were written all over his face. *Don't tell her Pantyhose-Taro's got the hots for Kasumi...* "So, ready for bed?" they said in unison. They blushed, also in unison. "I guess I oughta take a bath first--" "I suppose, but you should take a bath first--" They stopped and frowned at each other. Both frowns cracked simultaneously. Ranma shook his head, smiling, and headed for the bathroom with Akane swatting merrily at his back. "A little to the left... ahh, that's got it." ~~~~~ "Mmmmm...." "Say, Akane...." "Hmmm?" "While we were, uh, you know-- how come you had your hand over your mouth?" "AARGH!" ~~~~~ The muffled cries of passion began while Kasumi was dressing early the next morning. She paused for a moment and listened despite herself, smiling a little. *Poor Nabiki.* Nabiki, in the room adjoining the newlyweds', had taken to wearing earplugs to bed and grumbling bitterly. *Last night and again this morning. My, how... enthusiastic... Ranma is.* It occurred to her to wonder if Taro was as enthusiastic. She blushed and suppressed the thought firmly, then finished dressing and went downstairs to start breakfast. ~~~~~ Ranma, female and dressed for school, came into the kitchen a little later. "Hey, Kasumi, how you doing?" "I'm fine, thank you for asking," Kasumi replied, turning away from the stove and smiling reassuringly. "I figured I'd ask, since I didn't see you last night, but Akane said you were okay...." "Oh, yes. What about Taro-san?" Ranma grinned proudly. "I pounded him good." "Oh. Oh, dear." Ranma lost the grin. "What, wasn't I supposed to?" "Well, I'm sure you know best, but it's not as if he really hurt me. I could tell he was holding back, or I wouldn't have lasted a second. If you really injured him, I'm afraid he'll, well, take it out on us somehow." "Yeah, he's like that, all right, but...." Ranma glanced over her shoulder, then continued in a lower tone. "If you want the honest truth, we just kinda swapped lumps. No big deal." "Oh, good." Encouraged by Kasumi's relief, Ranma kept talking. "Actually, it looked like he was sorry before I even hit him. He was pounding his own head like Ryoga does when he's done something moronic." Kasumi stared at Ranma. "Was he really?" "Uh, yeah, kinda...." "Did he, um, say anything about me?" "Uh--" Ranma looked tongue-tied for a moment as she considered the unthinkable prospect of lying to Kasumi and the awful consequences of telling Kasumi the truth. Fortunately, there was a third option. "Hey, look at the time, uh, I gotta go help Akane, yeah, that's it," she babbled. "'Bye!" She fled the kitchen. Kasumi blinked. *Well. That was interesting. I wonder if... no, it can't be. Or can it?* ~~~~~ Shopping was usually a chance to get out of the house and meet people, but today Kasumi found herself unable to relax into her daily routine. She kept noticing young women with babies and small children, and somehow they all seemed to look happier than she felt. Walking along the sidewalk with her basket in hand, she saw a young couple coming the other way. The wife, just about Kasumi's age or a little younger, carried a baby in her arms, and her smiling husband reached over to tickle the infant. The woman laughed and looked up. Her eyes met Kasumi's. Her smile brightened a little, and then she was past. Kasumi stopped, closed her eyes, and waited for the whirl of emotions to subside. When she felt serene again she headed for home, ignoring the rest of her list. ~~~~~ Soun and Genma were playing shogi in the main room, as they usually did, and Kasumi brought them a platter of snacks and drinks in the midafternoon, as she usually did. This time, though, she waited nearby rather than leaving the two men to their game. They didn't appear to notice that anything was out of the ordinary until she tired of waiting and spoke. "Father...." Soun turned, startled. "What is it, Kasumi?" Kasumi bit her lip. She didn't really want to bring this up with Genma present, but.... "Father, forgive me for being so blunt, but have you given any thought to my future?" Soun turned to face her. "What? Oh!" He put a hand behind his head. "Ah-ha-ha-ha! Oh, that! I've got a few years left in me, Kasumi. I'm not about to keel over just yet." "Oh, no, Father, not that. I meant me." Soun looked puzzled. "What?" He looked concerned. "You're not sick, are you?" "If Akane has to cook, we can always get take-out," Genma put in. Kasumi ignored her relative-by-marriage with an effort and persisted. "No, I'm not sick. I was just wondering... well... if you'd made any plans for my marriage that you hadn't told me about." "No, of course not," Soun said, surprised. "You're still very young. There's no hurry." *I'm five years older than Akane was when you arranged her marriage!* Kasumi thought. "I... see," she said. Soun caught a motion out of the corner of his eye and turned back to the shogi board. "I saw that, Saotome-kun! Put that piece back!" As the pair threw themselves into their squabble, Kasumi rose silently and retreated, careful not to let her feelings show. She went up to her room, closed the door, and sat before her table, then expelled her frustration with a soft sigh. "Just what does a person have to do to get attention around here?" she whispered to the air. The air didn't answer, but an action that would certainly get some attention occurred to her. Her smile returned. She pulled out a flat box of fine paper and found her writing kit. A little water, a few strokes of the block of ink against the stone, a twirl of the brush, and she began. ~~~~~ "Oh, Ranma!" Kasumi called as Ranma passed the kitchen after supper the next evening. "Would you do me a favor?" "Well, sure," Ranma said, coming into the kitchen. "What is it?" Kasumi picked up a folded paper packet with characters calligraphed on the outside and held it out to him. "If you would find Taro-san and deliver this to him, please?" Ranma took the packet and inspected it. "What's this, a letter of challenge?" Kasumi's gentle smile quirked a little. "In a way, I suppose it is." "Are you sure you want to do this?" Ranma asked slowly. "I mean, Pantyhose-Taro's way out of your league...." "In some ways, I'm sure you're right. In other ways, I may be out of his. Perhaps it will even out." Kasumi patted Ranma's hand, still smiling. "Give him the letter, and we'll see. Oh, and if you would bring back his reply, I'd be grateful." "Okay," Ranma sighed. "I'll back you up, though. And if he hurts you, I'll make him sorry." "Thank you, Ranma. I appreciate that." ~~~~~ Ranma nodded with satisfaction. He'd found Taro in the first place he'd looked: the little park where they'd clashed the night before. He leapt over the fence and ran up to the concrete pig. "Hey, Pantyhose-Taro!" Taro, sitting cross-legged atop the pig, glowered at Ranma. "Shut up, girly-boy. What do you want?" "Well, I don't want to give you this, but Kasumi asked me to, so here." Ranma held out the packet to Taro. "Look, you better go easy on her, or I won't go easy on you." "You talk tough for half a man," Taro riposted. He read the writing on the outside. "Damn. She's back to calling me 'Pantyhose-Taro-san'." He extracted a sheet of paper from the envelope, unfolded it, and peered at the writing, tilting it to catch the light from a streetlight. Ranma saw him frown. "What's the matter? Can't you read Japanese?" Taro casually whacked Ranma over the head. "Of course I can, moron." He paused. "What's an 'omiai'?" Ranma facefaulted. Taro waited impatiently for Ranma to drag himself to his feet and answer him. "Jeez, I thought it was a letter of challenge," Ranma muttered. He directed an unhappy look at Taro. "An omiai's when a guy and a gal meet to look each other over to see if they wanna get married," he admitted reluctantly. "YES!" Taro exulted, leaping to his feet on the pig's broad back and shaking his fists at the sky. "I knew she'd find me irresistible!" "Bullshit," Ranma snorted. "Last night you were moaning and wailing." "Shut up, girly-boy," Taro said happily. "Make that 'girly- in-law'." He snickered, then uncrumpled the letter and examined it again. "Hmmm... you must have had an omiai, right? Tell me about it." Ranma scratched his head. "Well, mine was so weird I don't think it counts. There were these three girls, and Tendo-san said 'pick one, she'll be your bride.' Kasumi and Nabiki turned me down faster'n Akane did, so she was elected. Then she clocked me with a table." He smiled a reminiscent smile. "Man, she was cute." "You're nuts," Taro remarked, still poring over the letter. "Well, if Kasumi tries to clock me with a table, I'll be ready." "I don't think that's her style... but she's surprising me lately." "No problem, then. This just says to show up tomorrow after noon; anything I should bring? Anything I should do?" "Damned if I know. What, don't they do stuff like this in China?" "I don't--" Taro broke off. "None of your damn business." "Heh. Well, not that I want to improve your chances, but to keep from stinking up the house you might wanna go take a bath-- a hot one." Ranma smirked. "Take a cold bath and things won't go too good...." "Idiot." "Yak-brain." "Girly-boy." "Pantyhose-Taro." "DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Whap! ~~~~~ "Good morning!" Akane and Ranma, dressed for school, bounced into the main room and took their places at the table for breakfast. "Say, Kasumi," Ranma continued, "about this afternoon--" "My, it's a nice morning, isn't it?" Kasumi interrupted. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her as though for Kasumi to interrupt someone was a portent of the apocalypse. She smiled back serenely. "Now that I have your attention," she said, "I have an announcement. I hope it won't inconvenience anyone, but I've arranged an omiai for this afternoon." Soun and Nabiki fell over; Akane and Ranma nodded, suddenly understanding. "An omiai?" Nabiki exclaimed, sitting up. Her eyes narrowed suddenly. "Not for me, I hope!" "Oh, no," Kasumi said. "For me." "My daughter has a suitor?" Soun burst out. "Who is it? Is it someone we know?" Kasumi took a sip of tea and put her cup down carefully. "Oh, yes," she said, looking at the cup rather than her father. "You've met him several times. I've invited Taro-san." Soun fell over in the other direction. Nabiki's jaw dropped. Akane sighed. Ranma ate rapidly, figuring she'd better finish while she had the chance. "Waah! My daughter wants to marry a monster!" Soun wailed. Suddenly the fountain of tears stopped and he glared suspiciously at Ranma. "You're taking this very well, Ranma-kun," he said ominously. "Can it be that this isn't a surprise to you?" Ranma cringed. "Well, I, uh--" Again Kasumi interrupted. "Yes, Ranma has been very helpful," she told Soun. Ranma shot her a don't-do-me-any-favors look. "I only arranged it last night, Father. I suppose I could have announced it then, but I didn't want to disturb anyone, so I waited until now to tell you." Akane had been looking back and forth between Ranma and Kasumi with a look of growing betrayal. "Ranma? You knew about this and didn't say anything to me?!" "Uh, it slipped my mind?" Ranma countered weakly. "It doesn't seem to be a surprise to you either," Nabiki observed to Akane. Akane stopped glaring at Ranma and looked at Nabiki. "Well, no, but Kasumi--" "Hah!" Ranma exclaimed triumphantly. "Why didn't YOU tell ME, then?" "--told me in confidence--" "Waah! My daughters are conspiring against me!" Soun wailed. "Hey, I'm not your daughter!" Ranma protested loudly. "I don't think he meant you, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said dryly. "But it sure looks like a conspiracy. I'm glad I'm not part of it." "For once in your life," Ranma muttered under her breath. Nabiki caught it and looked offended. "If I'd arranged it, he'd be someone more promising. Pantyhose-Taro's even poorer than you are." "Hey!" Kasumi put a hand over her mouth and coughed gently. "I was really hoping you would be more supportive," she said. "This is very important to me." "Yes! And something so important shouldn't be arranged in such haste!" Soun pointed out triumphantly. "Deliberation is called for, and sober reflection by the head of the household." His eyes widened. "Unless... unless there's a reason you need to get married immediately...." Nabiki, the first one to get what he was driving at, sprayed tea and started coughing violently. Akane got it next, turned red, and clamped her hand over her mouth. Ranma gave Soun a puzzled look. Kasumi bit her lip, looked down, and blushed. "Waaah! My daughter's been seduced by a monster!" Soun wailed. The waterworks cut off suddenly. "WHERE'S MY SPEAR?!" He started to get up. "Father! It's not like that at all!" *I almost wish it were....* Ranma sighed, reached out a slender arm, and slammed Soun back down into a seated position. "Cut it out, Tendo-san," she told her astonished father-in-law. "Just listen to her, will you?" "Thank you, Ranma," Kasumi said gratefully. "Father, I haven't been seduced, and I'm not, um, with child. I do think it's time for me to be married, and I'm considering Taro-san." Soun boggled for a moment. "But... I should have been consulted! It's my duty to arrange such things!" Kasumi looked at her hands again. "Yes, Father, it is." She let the words hang in the air for a moment; glancing up through her eyelashes, she saw that they'd struck home. "I hope you'll be with me for the omiai, though." Soun coughed. "Of course, Kasumi. Er... do you have any idea who, er, Taro-san is bringing?" "Heheheh! Me, of course!" Happosai strutted into the room as all heads turned to face him. "He's my godson, after all." "Oh, crap," Ranma breathed. Akane elbowed her, even though she'd been thinking more or less the same thing. "Master," Soun began tactfully, "are you sure this is a good idea?" "Well, why wouldn't it be?" Happosai said. "Hey, Jiji, does Pantyhose-Taro know about this?" Ranma asked suspiciously. Happosai beamed. "Not yet. I'm sure he won't object, though. After all, he needs someone to counsel and guide him, and who better than I?" "Who isn't?" Ranma muttered, and felt Akane's elbow again. "Well, it's time for us to go to school," Akane announced, standing up. "We'll be back right after noon. Come on, Ranma." She left, bending to whisper in Kasumi's ear as she passed. Ranma hastily gobbled the rest of Akane's breakfast. "Okay, okay, wait for me!" She dashed after Akane. "Now, about keeping secrets from your wife--" "Hey! What about you, huh?" "That's different. Kasumi made me promise--" "I was just being, uh, discreet! Yeah!" "Discreet? You? HA!" The front door slammed, restoring a semblance of peace to the household until a hanging scroll fell off the wall. "More tea, anyone?" Kasumi said brightly. *Thanks for wishing me luck, Akane. I'll need it.* ~~~~~ "Well, the place is still standing, at least," Ranma called to Akane as the Tendo Dojo came into sight over the rooftops. "For the moment. Good thing today was a half-day...." Akane followed Ranma's leap to the street and dash to the front of the Tendo compound. Ranma jumped over the wall, but Akane went through the gate, just because she liked the gate. "We're home!" Akane and Ranma pelted into the main room and stopped. Taro and Happosai were sitting on one side of the table, and Soun was sitting on the other; they all looked like they had been waiting for some time. Taro looked Ranma up and down, and his lips curled slowly upward. "My, don't you look pretty," he said. Ranma looked down at her St. Hebereke's uniform, what she could see of it over the horizon of her bosom, and flushed. "Look, you--" Taro lost it right there. "WHA-HAHAHAHAHA!" He fell over, still laughing. "You bastard, cut it out before I gag you with your own teeth!" Ranma shrilled. Taro struggled upright and wiped his eyes. "No, no, I mean it. The uniform suits you, girly-boy." "AARGH!" Ranma stomped out, headed for the changing room. "Er, Akane, I think Kasumi needs your help. She's still upstairs," Soun said with as much dignity as he could muster. "Um, right, of course she does. Excuse me." Akane hurried up the stairs. Tap tap tap. "Kasumi?" "Oh, good. Come in, Akane," Kasumi's voice came from within the room. Akane slipped in and closed the door behind her. "Father said you needed help?" "Yes, if you don't mind," said Kasumi, standing in the middle of the room with a distracted expression. "I managed the makeup and the kimono, but I need help with the obi." "Sure." Akane noticed the stacks of storage boxes. "Had a little trouble deciding, did you?" "That too." Kasumi indicated one of the boxes. "Please open that one and tell me what you think." Akane shrugged and complied. The flat wooden box contained a carefully-folded kimono that appeared to have been undisturbed for some time. Akane stroked it gently and tried to remember where she'd seen it before. Then the scent of the kimono registered; under the aromas of old silk and pawlonia wood was a faint trace of... "Mother?" Akane's eyes overflowed as she carefully closed the box again; she wiped them, sniffled, and turned to Kasumi. "Yes," Kasumi said quietly. "That's what I thought. I'm not going to wear that one." "She should be here," Akane said brokenly. "This is her job, not mine. I should just be helping, and gossiping about the guy, and wondering when it'd be my turn." "I know, but that's just not the way things turned out. I'm glad you're here, though." Akane nodded without speaking and started helping Kasumi with the obi. A couple of false starts and a lot of adjusting later, the heavy silk band was secured around Kasumi's midsection with an ornate knot in the back and a carefully-located cord. Kasumi freed her hair from its usual ribbon, brushed it, and arranged the combs. "How do I look?" she asked, turning slowly for Akane's inspection. "Beautiful. Pantyhose-Taro doesn't deserve you," Akane muttered. Kasumi sighed. "Perhaps not. An omiai isn't an engagement party, though. I'm just exploring an option, as Nabiki would say." "I know, but... he's just not right for you!" "You thought that about Ranma, once," Kasumi pointed out. "Suppose he'd taken you at your word when you said you didn't want anything to do with him? Suppose he'd done what he wanted and gone back to China instead of doing what his father wanted and staying here? Suppose... well, I'm sure you can imagine." Akane had paled while she was speaking. "Um...." "You were very lucky, Akane. I can't count on luck like that. This is another chance for me, and I'm not going to let it go by just because I'm hoping for a better one. I'm going to see if perhaps it's a better chance than it appears to be." Akane sagged, defeated. "All right." "Thank you, sister. Now let's go see if he's still waiting, shall we?" ~~~~~ Ranma came back into the main room, male and wearing his usual clothes. He still appeared to be mad at Taro, but then something occurred to him. "Say, Tendo-san, how long have these two been sitting here peaceful-like?" He indicated Taro and Happosai. "Half an hour," Soun replied, looking like he didn't quite believe it himself. Ranma looked around the room. "With no damage? A new record." Happosai took his pipe out of his mouth. "The lad was no trouble at all. Well, perhaps a bit at first, but when I suggested changing his name, he settled right down." "Really?" Ranma asked interestedly. "To what?" "Don't go there, girly-boy," Taro warned, but it was too late. "Hmm, let's see... Garter-Taro was my first thought. He actually seemed to be considering Teddy-Taro, but then I suggested Negligee-Taro, and that's kept him until now." Happosai blew a smoke-ring. Taro seethed. Ranma smirked. "'Negligee-Taro' suits him." Taro looked like he was about to go over the table for Ranma, name or no name, but a threatening waggle of Happosai's pipe made him subside. He continued to mutter dire imprecations as Ranma settled on the floor. Ranma hadn't been sitting long when sounds from upstairs heralded the appearance of the other principal. Akane came into the room. "She's ready," she said quietly. Soun stood, and Happosai, Taro and Ranma straightened. Akane stepped aside, clearing the way. Kasumi came through the doorway, moving with the tiny steps required by the elegant kimono she wore. A spray of white plum blossoms adorned the pale blue silk, complemented by the gray and silver of her obi. Her face was made up only slightly paler than her usual clear complexion, and pearl combs held back her long hair. Soun proudly escorted her to the table, managing not to weep at the sight. She settled into place, not looking at anyone. Soun sat next to her and eyed Taro. Taro, for his part, wished he'd done a little more than polishing his vest and bracers. Still, he was sure he looked good, even if his trousers were a little worn in spots. He touched one of his earrings and gave Soun a confident glance, then went back to pretending not to look at Kasumi. Akane took a step back, put one hand on the door, and looked meaningfully at Ranma. Ranma wasn't looking at her. Soun nudged him. "Hm?" He finally noticed Akane's glare and scrambled hastily to his feet. Akane gestured sharply. "Oh." Ranma retreated onto the veranda and slid the shoji doors shut. Akane did likewise with the hallway door. Happosai nudged Taro. Taro started. "Ah. My name is--" He broke off and leaned over to hiss to Happosai. "Couldn't you change my name for THIS, you old goat?" "It's a perfectly good name," Happosai countered impatiently. "Get on with it, just like I told you." "Hell." Taro took a deep breath, steeled himself, and raised his voice again. "Uh, my name is, uh, Pantyhose-Taro. Pleased to meet you." Kasumi finally raised her eyes. "I am Tendo Kasumi. I am glad to make your acquaintance. Welcome to our home." "Thanks. I brought you something...." Taro produced a bottle from his satchel and set it on the table. "My, how very kind of you!" Kasumi said graciously. Happosai was more direct. "Wahaha! Wine! Good boy! Here, I'll open it!" He leapt onto the table, poised, and tapped the neck of the bottle. The cork popped out. Happosai seized the bottle and opened his mouth. "Hey!" Taro expostulated. "I brought that for Kasumi, not for you!" Happosai snorted at him. "Ojii-san, please," Kasumi implored him. Happosai hesitated, then regretfully set the bottle back down on the table. "I suppose it can wait." He patted the bottle fondly and sat down again. "I prepared something as well," Kasumi said. "I'll just be a moment." She rose and shimmered out of the room. The others heard a quick exchange of whispers in the hallway, and then Akane came through, blushing. "Excuse me." Akane slipped across to the other door and opened it, revealing Ranma crouched on the veranda. "Come on, Ranma." She went out and closed the door behind her. "Ow! Leggo!" "If I can't listen, you can't either. We'll wait in the dojo." "But...." The altercation faded. Kasumi came back in with a tray, set it on the floor, knelt, slid the door shut, then carried the tray to the table and resumed her seat. "Would anyone like tea? And I hope you'll find these adequate...." Taro picked up one of the morsels, eyed it, then bit into it. "Mmmm." He swallowed. "Delicious." "My daughter is a skilled cook," Soun said proudly. "Well, my godson is a skilled martial artist," Happosai said before Taro could respond. "He's not very innovative, but his forms are excellent." Soun frowned a little, then brightened. "Kasumi is very beautiful, as you can see." Kasumi blushed and lowered her gaze. Happosai waved a hand impatiently. "Yes, yes, and Pantyhose- Taro's a hot-looking young stud. I think they're well-suited. Now what about the dowry?" He leered at the open wine-bottle and licked his lips. "Er...." Soun looked stunned. "Well, the dojo--" Kasumi leaned over and tugged at his sleeve, and Soun broke off. Kasumi whispered in his ear. "Kasumi points out, quite rightly, that the dojo was Akane's dowry, and now belongs to Ranma and Akane," Soun resumed. He thought for a moment. "There's the house--" Again Kasumi tugged on his sleeve and whispered in his ear. "Well, I don't know what we're going to do for Nabiki's dowry!" Soun said to Kasumi, exasperated. "Maybe if you get the house and Nabiki gets the land--" He stopped himself even before Kasumi's rueful headshake. "No, that wouldn't work. If Nabiki gets the top floor and you get the ground floor, perhaps?" "Soun, you idiot," Happosai snorted. "Haven't you given this any thought at all? No, I can see you haven't. I've a good mind to take my godson and scram." "Hey!" Taro protested. "What kind of lousy 'guidance and counsel' is that?" "The best," Happosai said firmly. "You can do better than a girl with no dowry, trust me." Soun straightened, deeply offended. "Kasumi is far too fine a woman to be dismissed in such a way! She has a dowry, we just haven't decided what it is yet! And what does this young scoundrel have to offer in return?" Taro and Kasumi exchanged alarmed looks and turned to their respective representatives. "Please, Father!" "Look, you old geezer--!" The men ignored them. "Hah!" Happosai scoffed. "Any fool can see that Pantyhose-Taro has fine prospects!" "Nonsense!" Soun declared. His glance raked contemptuously over Taro. "He's a penniless wanderer with no family, no education, and no employment! Tell me, young Taro-san, how will you support your family if I allow you to marry my daughter? Eh? Eh? Hah! You see?" Taro paled with rage and his lips pulled back from his teeth. With one convulsive movement, he leapt over the table to land by the doors. He smashed them aside and darted from the room. "Well, that's that," Happosai said philosophically. "Come to Happy!" He grabbed the bottle of wine and upended it over his mouth. Splash! Taro's cursed form rose dripping from the koi pond. His huge hairy hand reached in through the shattered doors, smacked Soun aside, flattened Happosai while he was occupied chugging wine, and seized Kasumi before she could move. "KYAAAAA--!" ~~~~~ Ranma and Akane heard Kasumi's scream and reacted as one, dashing out of the dojo and leaping to the roof of the house. Taro's ox-headed, yeti-armed, eel-tailed, octopus-tentacled cursed form rose out of the garden on ridiculously small wings, carrying a weakly-struggling Kasumi in one hand. Ranma gauged the distance in an eyeblink, but leapt anyway; his outstretched hand fell a meter short as Taro flew away. He fell beyond the wall. Crash! Ranma just had time to extract himself from the wreckage of the neighbor's bonsai table before Akane landed next to him, dripping wet and wild-eyed. "Get up, Ranma!" she cried. "We have to stop him!" "Not a chance." Ranma noticed Akane's condition. "What the hell happened to you?" "I fell in the pond, baka! Now move!" Akane sprang to the next roof and stopped. "No...." She watched Taro dwindle in the distance. Ranma joined her. "I told you. I can't catch him when he's flying. I couldn't catch him when he took you! I can't catch him now. Dammit!" "Well, he didn't hurt me when he took me," Akane said, sounding as though she were trying to reassure herself as much as Ranma. "I don't think he'll hurt Kasumi. We definitely need to teach him another lesson, though." "We gotta find him first..." "He's going the same way, isn't he?" Akane said slowly, following the distant speck with her eyes until it could no longer be seen. "Do you suppose...?" "Huh." Ranma rubbed his chin. "Maybe. I found him the other night in that same park where he was that time Rouge tangled with him." "Hmm. He's even more unimaginative than you are." "Hey!" "No, really. I'll bet he's taking Kasumi to the same place he took me." "Damn sure I don't have a better idea." Akane clenched her fist. "We'll need help." "What do you mean, 'we'?" Ranma said flatly. "You're staying here. I'll go get Kasumi." Akane's head lowered and her clenched fist came up, but then the blood vessel throbbing on her temple subsided. She opened her fist and stared at her hand. "No." She looked up. "Ranma? Remember what else I told you that night I told you I loved you?" Ranma flinched. He did. Akane nodded. "I thought so. Now I'm going to go rescue my sister. I want you to come too." "Dammit, Akane, I don't want you to get hurt!" Akane smiled and touched Ranma's cheek. "I love you too, Ranma. But I told you: I want to go with you wherever you go. I want to fight by your side." She left out the rest of what she'd said that night, knowing Ranma remembered it: *"If I die, I want to die in your arms. Don't you DARE take that away from me because you want me to be safe!"* "But...." Ranma sagged, clearly trying to think of an effective rebuttal and clearly unable to. "Shit." "Now, now. Besides, you can't say I wasn't a big help that time Pantyhose-Taro abducted me, or the time he had the twin- water, or--" Ranma waved his hands, cutting her off. "Yeah, yeah, all right, already. You can come along." "No, YOU can come along with ME-- or better yet, we'll both go together, partner." Akane smiled, then looked worried. "Poor Kasumi. We'd better gather the troops and get going." "'Troops'?" Ranma said dubiously. "Well, you can barely beat him when he's human, let alone when he's a monster. That first time it took Ryoga, Shampoo, and Mousse to help us beat him. Happosai can beat him by himself, if he feels like it. Let's see if he'll come." "I dunno...." Ranma's premonition was well-founded; when they returned to the house, Happosai was snoring loudly and proved impossible to awaken. Ranma sniffed at the empty bottle. "Jeez, what was this stuff? Doesn't smell that strong...." He tossed the bottle aside and surveyed the wrecked shoji doors, the scattered delicacies, and the Soun-shaped impression in the wall. His stomach suddenly reminded him that he hadn't had lunch, so he salvaged some of the food before joining Akane. "Father! What happened?" "My omiai wasn't anything like this," Soun groaned, sitting up and rubbing the back of his neck. He looked around in sudden panic. "Kasumi? Where's Kasumi?!" "Pantyhose-Taro took her and flew off," Ranma said around his mouthful. "WHAT?!" Soun's demon-head burst forth. "RANMA! WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM?!" Ranma stepped back and raised his hands. "Cut it out, Tendo- san!" he protested. "It's not our fault we were too far away. Why didn't YOU stop him, huh?" The demon-head suddenly looked abashed. A moment later Soun reappeared. "Well...." "Anyway, we'll get her back," Akane told him confidently. "We've got a pretty good idea where he took her." "Waaah! My daughter's been abducted by a monster!" Akane shook her head. "Wait here," she instructed Ranma. "I'll go change, and then we'll go." "Why change?" Ranma objected. "I'm not gonna change." "You changed already," Akane said tartly. "Twice. I'm not going into battle in a soggy St. Hebereke's uniform." She ran up the stairs. Soun looked at Ranma. "You could leave her here where it's safe if you left now," he pointed out. "Are you nuts? You have any idea of what she'd do to me?" The rest of the wait passed silently, Soun imagining a thoroughly- pulped Ranma and Ranma imagining a reproachfully-weeping Akane. Akane came back in wearing her gi. "All right, let's go." They ran out the door, stopping briefly to don shoes, then dashed down the street. "That's your idea of a fighting costume, is it?" Ranma remarked as they ran. "Sure. What's wrong with it?" "A gi's fine for practice, but you fight in whatever you're wearing when you gotta fight... which means you wear something you can fight in." Akane was about to snap at him, but then the tone of his voice got through to her. "Hai, Sensei." "Good. You think about that. So where are we going?" Akane grimaced slightly. "Ucchan's. She's the only one we can count on, unless I missed someone." "Damn. No, you're right. Forget Kodachi or Kuno, and Junko's gang aren't anywhere near being up to this. Man, I REALLY miss Ryoga. We could go get Pops, I suppose...." Akane and Ranma glanced at each other. "Naah," they said in unison. ~~~~~ Ukyo was just relaxing after the usual Saturday lunch rush had tapered off when Akane and Ranma ran into her shop, panting. "Hey, Akane," she greeted her friend. Her voice fell a few degrees to greet her former fiance. "Hey, Ranma." She eyed them curiously. "What's up?" "Kasumi's been kidnapped," Akane managed. "Whew. Pantyhose- Taro flew off with her." "What? Why would anyone kidnap Kasumi?" "Well. We don't know all the details. But they were having an omiai. And things got a little out of hand." Akane stopped talking and concentrated on breathing for a moment. Ukyo shook her head. "Weird, but I guess I should expect that. I suppose you want me to help you rescue her?" Akane gave Ukyo a grateful look. "Yes, exactly." "All right," Ukyo sighed. "Pantyhose-Taro is that Chinese guy who turns into a monster, right?" "That's him," Ranma agreed, speaking for the first time. "He's an asshole, and he's a pretty good martial artist, but he's not a killer, at least." Ukyo smirked. "Sorta like you, then?" "Hey!" By that time Akane had her breath back. "You know, that's pretty close to the truth," she said in a surprised tone. "Hey!" "No, really. He's, well, harsher than Ranma, probably because he's had a harder life, but he's really a decent guy underneath, just like Ranma." "Hey!" Ranma stared at Akane, horrified. "Don't tell me you're going soft on the guy! He kidnapped Kasumi, for cryin' out loud!" "Yes, and when we catch him, you'll see just how 'soft' I am on him," Akane said, raising her fist. "But I don't think we need to be afraid of him. Ranma?" "No, not really," Ranma admitted. "Truth is, if it wasn't for Kasumi, I'd be kinda lookin' forward to this. He's a bastard, but he's not a bad enemy." "Huh. Couldn't you, well, talk to him, then?" Ukyo suggested. Akane and Ranma stared at her blankly. "Oh, right. Never mind." "It's his monster form that's really hard to deal with," Akane continued. "The first time it took Shampoo, Mousse, Ryoga, Ranma, and me to beat him. He's gotten better since then, too." "So have I," Ranma said cockily. Bop! "Ow!" "So have WE," Akane corrected him. "Huh." Ukyo turned off the burners, loaded her bandolier with little spatulas, and slung the big one over her shoulder. "Okay, ready to go. Konatsu, keep an eye on the place, hey?" Konatsu, who had been waiting inconspicuously in a corner the whole time, stepped forward. He arranged his kimono carefully, knelt on the floor, and bowed low. "I beg you to forgive my impertinence, Ukyo-sama," he said, "but I must ask you to reconsider your order. It is my duty to shield you from harm, and I cannot do that if I remain here. Please allow me to accompany you." "Look, I'll be fine," Ukyo replied, frowning. "I need you to keep my place safe. I can look out for myself." Konatsu didn't budge. "I beg you to reconsider, Ukyo-sama." "Hey, he's got a point," Ranma broke in. "Listen, Ukyo, Konatsu's good. We can use him. Heck, if I had to choose between you and him, I'd pick him--" CLANG! "He had that coming," Akane admitted as a fuming Ukyo peeled her giant spatula off of Ranma's face. "Still, I've seen Pantyhose-Taro in action, and I'd like Konatsu's help too. For Kasumi's sake." "Oh, all right," Ukyo sighed. Konatsu's pretty face lit up and he sprang to his feet. "Thank you, Ukyo-sama! And thank you for interceding for me, Akane-sama, Ranma-sama-- oh, dear." Konatsu reached out to steady Ranma's wobble. Ranma recovered and gingerly felt his nose. "Jeez, what'd I say?" "Jackass. Get your gear and let's go, Konatsu." "I am already prepared," Konatsu said modestly. His fingers flexed and a throwing star appeared between them, then disappeared. Ranma glanced at Akane, raising his eyebrows significantly. Akane huffed. ~~~~~ Consciousness returned slowly to Kasumi. She recalled how she'd lost it, and sat up suddenly. "Oh!" She found herself in a room walled with poorly-maintained wood, dimly lit by the rays of the setting sun and a small fire burning in a hibachi. A blanket was under her, and a pillow rested where her head had been. She checked her precious kimono over quickly, but it was neither dirty nor damaged, and only a little disarrayed; she realized that Taro must have handled her with amazing delicacy for such a large and violent creature. Taro's eyes gleamed in the firelight as he glanced her way. He adjusted a kettle hanging over the fire. "Is that how an omiai is supposed to go?" he asked in a surly tone. "Oh, no," Kasumi assured him, collecting herself. "It's supposed to be a chance to make a good first impression. The couple talk for a while, to see if they might be suited for each other." "Well, that's where it went wrong, I guess," Taro said darkly. "It was the second or third bad impression." "Yes, I suppose so." "Nothing in the traditions about the man kidnapping the woman, then?" "Oh, no. That would be very bad manners." Taro snorted. Kasumi giggled, raising her hand to cover her mouth, then sobered. "Taro-san, why did you bring me here?" "I don't know," Taro said gruffly. "It just seemed like the thing to do at the time." He eyed her. "You don't seem concerned about it." "Should I be?" Kasumi said lightly. "Heh. You're completely in my power. I could do anything I wanted to you, and you couldn't stop me, and there's no one around to protect you." Kasumi smiled. "Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't do anything ungentlemanly." "You're crazy," Taro said with conviction. "You don't know me. How can you believe you're safe?" "Well, I find that if I assume the best of people, the world is a much nicer place than if I assume the worst of them. For some reason, when I think people are good, they do good things." Taro stared at her for a moment. "That's either the stupidest thing I've ever heard, or one of the wisest." Kasumi blushed and looked down. "Thank you, Taro-san." "And of course you only heard 'wisest'." Taro shook his head. "I'm sure you wouldn't say anything rude." Taro looked sharply at Kasumi, but if her smile veiled any sarcasm, he couldn't discern it. He returned to poking at the fire with a stick. Kasumi shifted to sit kneeling on the blanket, then arranged her kimono. She put her hand to her head and felt for her combs. One was missing, and she gasped in sudden dismay. "Oh, no!" She hunted quickly around the blanket and pillow, but came up empty- handed. "What?" "My comb is gone. It must have fallen out while we were-- while you were flying. Oh, dear...." "It was just a comb," Taro said harshly. Kasumi looked at him, distraught. "It was my mother's." "So?" "Well, she passed away when we were young." Kasumi pulled the other comb out of her hair, allowing her dark tresses to fall around her shoulders, and examined it sadly. "These-- this comb is one of the few personal things of hers I have. I try to keep her memory alive, but every day it seems she fades a little more.... I remember her wearing this, so, wearing this, I remember her." Taro bit his lip, then reached into his sash, pulled something out, and held it out to Kasumi. "Here." Kasumi stared at the comb, the mate of the one she held. "Taro-san...." "My mother's gone too," Taro said, not looking at her. She scooted across the floor and took the comb from Taro's fingers. "Thank you, Taro-san." "It didn't fall out of your hair. I took it. I wanted something... feh. Hell with it." "Oh." There was no accusation or reproach in Kasumi's soft voice. She laid the combs in her lap, then took a kerchief out of her obi and tied her hair back with it. Finished, she tucked one comb away in her obi, then held the other out to Taro. "A gift, Taro-san." Taro stared at the comb. "No." "It's all right. I know why you took it. Memory." Taro slowly took the comb. He looked at it, then at Kasumi. "Thanks." He put the comb away in his sash. "And isn't it nicer to have it as a gift than to take it by force or deceit?" "Yeah--" Taro's eyes narrowed. "Damn. You're trying to teach me a lesson, aren't you. And not just about combs." "Oh, no, not at all--" "You girls," Taro said derisively. "You act like your maidenhood was some precious treasure or something. It's nothing to be proud of--" He broke off, flushing, and looked away. Kasumi looked down at her hands, carefully folded in her lap. "It may not be much," she said evenly, "but it's mine. It's me. It's a gift for my husband, and no one else." Taro looked back at her. "Sorry," he said grudgingly, then half-smiled. "Heh. Talking to you is a lot like fighting you, you know? You don't fight back, but you don't just stand there and take it. I can hurt you if I try, though." "Do you really want to hurt me, Taro-san?" Kasumi said quietly, not raising her head. "No... no, I don't. You're different." "I'm glad." Her soft answer encouraged Taro to ask the question he'd been wondering about for some time. "Were you really considering marrying me?" "Oh, yes, Taro-san. That's the way an omiai is. One doesn't attend an omiai unless one wishes to be married, and one doesn't invite another to an omiai unless the other is worthy of consideration. After the omiai, the participants decide whether they want to pursue the matter or not." "Heh. I guess I disqualified myself by flying off with you." "Well, actually, that's my decision. I haven't decided one way or another," Kasumi said demurely. "Huh," Taro mused. "So the omiai isn't over yet?" "I suppose you could put it that way." Kasumi paused. "Taro-san, were you seriously considering marrying me?" Taro had been wondering that himself. "Yes, of course" was the proper tactical answer; "Don't be silly" would be the safe answer. The truth-- "I don't know," Taro admitted, surprising himself. "I had this plot that needed you to think I was, but.... I don't know. Maybe." "Ah." Kasumi paused, considering. "Well, you see, it was almost shameless of me to invite you to an omiai myself, and it's nearly as forward to discuss the matter with you this frankly. I haven't rejected you, but I'm afraid the next move will have to be yours. If you do decide you want to marry me, you'll have to say so." "Goddamn traditions," Taro muttered to himself. Kasumi hid a smile. "How would it be handled among your people, then?" "Like I almost told girly-boy, I don't really know," Taro said. "I think my father would go talk to her father, and my mother would go talk to her mother, and anyone else who was interested would put in their say, and the next thing I'd know I'd be all dressed up and sitting next to some girl at a big party. But my father's gone, and my mother's gone, and I don't really want to spend the rest of my life in that dump anyway, so the hell with it." "Having Ojii-san talk to Father didn't work out well at all," Kasumi pointed out ruefully. Taro scowled. "Those bastards. Like I've ever had any trouble getting by." "If you don't mind my asking, how do you live, Taro-san?" "Well, it's pretty easy to get meals in my monster form. A bush or a goat fill me right up. And I don't need shelter either." Taro smirked. "I see." Kasumi looked around the abandoned shrine they were in. "What is this place to you, then?" "Shelter." Taro smiled a wry smile and shrugged. "I don't need it, but sometimes it's nice to have a fire and a roof." "Yes, I can imagine. How did you find it?" "I was flying by and saw it, and when I took a look around I noticed it had great feng shui." "It does?" "Yes." Taro eyed her sternly. "Look, just because I've only studied for seven years doesn't mean I'll let you say I don't know what I'm talking about. Hell, in China people would give me chickens, tea, even money to do a reading for them." "I don't doubt you, Taro-san," Kasumi assured him. "It's just that I don't know much about it, and it surprised me that a martial artist would be interested in feng shui." "How else am I going to find a good place to practice?" Taro demanded. "This is a great place. I can feel the water under the rock. They oriented the shrine just right. The sunrise is fantastic, and the sunset's not too bad either. Come see." Taro got up and reached for Kasumi's hand; she took it and allowed him to assist her to her feet. She followed him out to the west veranda of the old shrine, and they stood watching the sun set over Japan. "It's beautiful, Taro-san," Kasumi said softly. Taro turned and looked at her. She turned away from the setting sun to look back at him, and his eyes were drawn irresistibly to her lips, glistening in the ruddy light. Could she want him to kiss her? Did he want to kiss her? What would happen after he kissed her? Did he really want to get married? Taro didn't know, but suddenly he wanted to find out. He bent forward-- "PANTYHOSE-TARO, YOU BASTARD, LET MY SISTER GO!!" The railing exploded into splinters under Taro's hand. "AARGH!" "Oh, my," Kasumi sighed. "I really must have a word with Akane about her language." *And her timing.* "Well, have a nice fight, Taro-san." ~~~~~ Ranma watched Taro jump down from the veranda and storm across the rocky ground towards them. They'd made their way to the base of the overhanging promontory, looming over the sea, where the old shrine stood. Akane had easily leapt over the rushing stream that had once kept her captive, and they'd scaled the trap-strewn gully to the plateau at the top. Akane had issued the challenge-- they'd had words about that on the way-- and now they waited for battle. "Remember, don't let him get to cold water," Ranma muttered out of the corner of his mouth. As if he'd heard, Taro detoured to the pump by the shrine and picked up a bucket; by the way it swung in his hand, they could see it was full. "Oh, hell!" Ukyo slapped herself in the forehead. "Nice plan, Ranma." Rather than pouring the water over himself, though, Taro continued his advance. "Get out of here, you meddling morons!" he shouted. "That's MY line!" Ranma shouted back. "Where's Kasumi?" The weak retort appeared to dispel Taro's fury; he stopped a few meters away and assumed an insouciant pose, the bucket swinging idly in one hand. He eyed them and smirked. "Heh. Girly-boy, tomboy-girl--" his contemptuous glance shifted to rake over Ukyo and Konatsu-- "Mister 'Do you want nori with that?' and Miss 'Sake, tea or me?' My goodness, you kids are just so cute I'm almost tempted to pat you on the head and give you candy." His eyes glinted. "Almost." Akane and Ranma growled as one and rushed him, curving in to take Taro from two sides. "TE--!" Taro dropped, whirled, and struck; Ranma slammed into the ground, rolling, and Akane departed on a high arc, arms and legs akimbo. "KYAAAaaa...!" Ranma looked up and his eyes bulged. He'd seen Akane do that to Kuno and lots of other people, himself among them, but he couldn't recall that Akane herself had ever gone ballistic. He suddenly realized that her trajectory was taking her over the cliff. "AKANE!!" Ranma sprang to his feet and sprinted after her. Taro watched him go and shook his head. "Pathetic." He picked up the bucket of water and turned to Ukyo and Konatsu. "Your turn." Ukyo's battle-spatula was already in her hands. Konatsu, somehow inconspicuous despite his brightly-colored kimono, drifted forward. "I will not allow you to harm Ukyo-sama, Pantyhose-Taro," he said quietly. "DON'T CALL--!" Taro controlled himself with an effort. "Heh. What is it with this country? Japanese girls are tougher than the men here are." Taro hefted the bucket. "If you're girly-boy's friends, it's a good bet you're like pig-boy, duck- face, and cat-girl. Let's find out--" He swung the bucket hard, sloshing water across Ukyo and Konatsu. Konatsu jumped in front of Ukyo and managed to shield her from most of it. Taro was already attacking. His spin kick took Konatsu neatly, sending the kimono-clad youth flying; he tumbled into a pile of boulders, fell, and didn't move. Taro frowned, surprised; he darted another glance at the pile of fabric, and suddenly noticed that the body inside it was just two crossed sticks. His eyes snapped back in time to see a red blur materialize between him and Ukyo. Konatsu, clad in his patched kunoichi's garb of faded red, straightened. Taro's jaw dropped. "There's no Spring of Drowned Ninja Girl!" he objected. Konatsu shrugged. "I wouldn't know about that. I am kunoichi Konatsu Kenzan," he said, his high, soft voice sounding quite feminine and very determined. Taro's eyes narrowed. "Big deal--" "ALL-AROUND BEAUTY THROWING STARS!" "Gah!" Taro managed to evade the spray of spinning sharpened steel, but he didn't have a chance to draw a breath before little spatulas started whirring past his ears like homicidal partridges. Right behind them a big spatula in the hands of a yelling fast-food chef swiped at him in a silvery, razor-edged arc. It missed, of course, but then-- "PANTYHOSE-BASTARD!" "YOU'RE DEAD!" *Oh, shit, girly-boy and his little wifey are back,* Taro thought glumly as he fended off another blurring attack from the ninja-girl. Ranma and Akane bounced into the whirling fray, but Taro was already retreating. He evaded nine strikes, blocked thirteen, and took six before he could reach the nearest hidden water-trap and trigger it, drenching them all. "MUWA-HA-HA!" Taro's monster form reared up, flexing his massive arms, as his puny assailants fell away in sudden terror. The tentacles on his back curled and lashed, clearing a space around him. "Jeez, Ranma, you didn't say he was THAT ugly!" Ukyo called over the bellowing. Taro stopped bellowing and blinked. *Ugly?* A blood vessel popped out on the side of his shaggy head. Konatsu landed between Taro and Ukyo, resting his hand on his sword-hilt. "Go away, you hideous monster!" he said stoutly. Taro smirked. "Whuff-uff-uff." He stretched out a mighty arm and pointed two fingers at Konatsu. Squirt! Konatsu wiped ink out of his eyes and looked down at his once-red suit, now covered with brownish-black blotches. "Octopus ink," he whispered. "I'll never get these stains out...." He looked up, and up, and farther up still, and fixed Taro's bloodshot eyes with a burning gaze. His battle aura kindled around him, becoming a bonfire. His sword whispered from its sheath, and an instant later he blurred and vanished. "KUNOICHI HAIRDRESSER ULTIMATE BAD CUT TECHNIQUE!" Taro felt a sudden buffeting about his head, but no pain. "Urrr?" The others saw Konatsu reappear behind Taro, crouching, with his short curved sword still out. Taro turned, looking puzzled, and felt at his head with one hand. Hanks of hair came away at his touch and fell to the ground. "Not bad for a bamboo sword, Konatsu," Ranma remarked, casting an amused glance over Taro's new look. Akane and Ukyo started giggling. "Aaah!" Konatsu gasped, looking stricken. "I forgot I pawned the real one!" He hastily returned it to its scabbard, then eyed Taro and grimaced. "No wonder the sideburns look like that. Eeew." Taro stopped frantically feeling around where his hair had been and wasn't any more and focused on Konatsu. "Urrrrrr...." He advanced threateningly, shaking the ground. Konatsu retreated, wearing an embarrassed smile. "HYAA!" Ranma and Akane charged in from behind, and a moment later Ukyo and Konatsu attacked from the front. Taro stood his ground, plucking the spatula away from Ukyo and tossing it over his shoulder with one hand while the other dealt with Konatsu's maddeningly effective ability to appear to be somewhere he wasn't. He had to let his tentacles fend for themselves. One came over his shoulder with a struggling onna-Ranma in it long enough for him to be confident that they were doing all right, and the grunts and shrieks from Akane were also reassuring. Then something twinged oddly back there, and Akane and Ranma appeared under their own power, looking satisfied. Taro looked over his shoulder. His eyes bulged. They'd somehow tied his tentacles in a four-way bow-knot! "MOOOOO!!" Konatsu took advantage of his inattention. "NINJA ARTS CERTAIN-DEATH CRIMSON HELL!" Again the kunoichi blurred and vanished, reappearing a moment later spitting. "Ptoo!" He wiped his mouth in disgust; his scarlet lipstick had... brown hair all over it? Taro wiped at his recently-sheared face with one hand and stared at the streaks of lipstick on his huge fingers. "AARRGGHH!!" Blood vessels popped out all over, and he lunged after the kunoichi. "Good!" Ranma shrilled. "Konatsu! Go!" Konatsu bounced away down the hill, and Taro followed in a blind rage, bellowing. Suddenly he realized that he was being lured towards the hot spring near the bottom of the slope, and his rage vanished. He leapt into the air, hung for a moment on his tiny wings, then swept around. "Ukyo! Look out!" Akane cried, too late. Taro's fist knocked Ukyo off the cliff as he swooped past her. She fell, hit the rocks rolling, and bounced into the bushes. "UKYO-SAMA!" Konatsu streaked after her, all his attention on his fallen mistress. He didn't see the mighty hand that smacked him sideways into hard stone. "Up!" Ranma called to Akane, who was still staring downwards, horrified. Akane looked back at her and nodded. They bounced from rock to rock back up the hill, barely evading Taro's airborne rush, and stopped at the top. Ranma looked up at Taro, who'd spiraled lazily up and appeared to be about to dive on them. She glanced at Akane and smirked. Akane smirked right back. They assumed mirrored stances, back to back, and each pointed one arm up at Taro. As Taro rolled into his dive, their auras flowed out, snapped into synch, and began to pulse: hot, cold, hot, cold-- "NIRYU TOTSU HA!!" two voices cried in unison. *'Two Lunging Dragon Strike?'* Taro wondered, too late. A slender, whirling cone of ki-charged air lanced up from Ranma and Akane to Taro. The air twisted around him and his monstrous flying form suddenly fell, spinning out of control. "MOOooOOooOOooOO!" WHAM!! Ranma walked up to the hairy body draped over the edge of the cliff and peeled one huge eyelid back. "Yup," she said, letting it slide closed. "He's out." "How can you tell?" Akane asked curiously. "The little 'X'es." Ranma stretched, flinched, and prodded gingerly at one of her many sore spots. "Hey, are you hurt?" "Well, of course I'm hurt," Akane said peevishly. "No lasting damage, though. It was a good fight." "I guess. Jeez, he's harder to cope with every time." Ranma paused and eyed Akane sidelong. "That Niryu Totsu Ha messed him up, though. You did pretty good...." That got Akane's attention. "I did?! Really?" "Well, it's not like I couldn't of handled him myself," Ranma said hastily, "but it was fun fighting with you-- uh, against someone else, I mean." "Baka," Akane said fondly. "I enjoyed it too." "If you're done congratulating each other, I could use a hand here," Ukyo's voice drifted up from over the edge. "Ack! Ukyo! Sorry!" Akane yelped, dashing over and peering down. Ukyo had peeled Konatsu out of a kunoichi-shaped impression in the rock and laid him out as comfortably as she could manage. Akane and Ranma bounced down and joined them. "Is he all right?" Ranma asked. Ukyo shrugged. "Aside from being out cold and bruised, I think he's OK." "He's better than OK," Akane said warmly. "I think he was marvelous." Konatsu's eyelids fluttered. "Ukyo-sama...." "Yeah, I'm here," Ukyo said softly. "C'mon, quit faking and move your butt." Her tone belied the harshness of her words. "Yes, Ukyo-sama." Konatsu sat up carefully. "And Pantyhose- Taro?" "The bigger they are, the harder they fall," Ranma said cheerfully. "He's up there." She hooked a thumb at the top of the hill. "Well, let's go rescue Kasumi, then," Ukyo said, helping Konatsu to his feet. ~~~~~ In the Tendos' main room, Soun stared at Nabiki. Nabiki stared at Soun. Finally Soun broke the silence. "They're not back yet. Nabiki--" "Forget it, Father," Nabiki said firmly. "I'm not cooking, and that's that." ~~~~~ Kasumi looked up and smiled as her battered saviors stumbled into the shrine. "Oh, hello, Akane, Ranma. And you brought Ukyo- san and Konatsu-san as well! How nice!" "Sister, are you all right?" Akane demanded. "Well, of course." "Pantyhose-Taro didn't...?" Akane trailed off, red-faced. "Really, Akane, I have no idea what you're asking," Kasumi said gently after Akane gave up trying to complete her sentence. "We're here to rescue you," Ranma announced proudly. Kasumi touched the kettle hanging over the fire, nodded, and picked it up by its handle. "That's very kind of you, Ranma, but that really won't be necessary. I'm sorry for all the trouble." "What?!" Ranma managed, boggling. "I could swear she said 'thanks, but no thanks'," Ukyo said in disbelief. Kasumi smiled warmly at Ukyo. "Yes, that's it exactly, Ukyo- san." The rescue party collapsed in different directions, making loud thumps on the wooden floor. Kasumi stood and walked out, carrying the kettle. Ranma was first up; she hurried after Kasumi. The others followed. Kasumi walked over to Taro's motionless hulk and stood for a moment, looking down at him. Ranma caught up and noticed the kettle. "Oh, good, hot water," she said, reaching for it. "Wait your turn, Ranma," Kasumi admonished her, moving the kettle away. "This is for Taro-san." "Huh? But--" Ranma shut up. "We were actually having quite a nice chat when you, er, interrupted," Kasumi told the others as they arrived. "I'm sure Taro-san would have brought me back tonight, or perhaps tomorrow. I know you all had the best of intentions, but there really wasn't any reason to fight on my account." "But-- He kidnapped you!" "I prefer to think of it as being carried away by his passions," Kasumi said primly. "Looked to me like you were the one who got carried away," Ranma muttered. "Only literally... more's the pity." Kasumi knelt down and patted Taro on his broad snout. "Sorry, Kasumi," Akane said, sounding quite contrite. "Yeah, me too. I was just going along with Akane and Ranma," Ukyo added. "I regret disturbing your harmony, Kasumi-sama." "Well, I'm sure Taro-san will be glad to hear that," Kasumi said. She poured the hot water on Taro's bovine head, and a moment later the monster was gone and the man was back. Kasumi blushed and hastily turned away, as did Ukyo and Konatsu. Akane was not quite so shy, once she saw that Ranma was busy making use of the hot water remaining in the kettle. "Not bad," she whispered, nudging Kasumi. "I'll take your word for it," Kasumi managed. "Now if someone would, er, cover him up and take him inside...." To do so was the work of only a few minutes, and the retrieval of Taro's clothes and Ukyo's and Konatsu's weaponry took only a little longer despite the gathering night. By the time everyone got back to the shrine, Taro was awake, dressed, and scowling. "Goddamn ki tricks," he muttered, directing a glare at Ranma. "Whatever works," Ranma said carelessly. "Feh." Kasumi noticed something and frowned slightly. "What are those red marks on your face, Taro-san?" Taro looked puzzled. "Marks?" "Red marks like... like tiny kisses," Kasumi clarified. "Uh-- Those aren't my fault! Ninja-girl there did that while we were fighting!" Taro pointed at Konatsu. "Oh, I see. Here, let me clean them off for you," Kasumi said. She produced a handkerchief and moved closer. "You're not mad?" Taro asked cautiously. "I thought girls got mad when they found lipstick marks on their guys--" He broke off, hoping Kasumi hadn't noticed the inadvertent possessive. "Well, yes, but these don't count," Kasumi said, continuing to scrub daintily at Taro's face. "Konatsu-san's not actually a girl, you see." Taro stared at Konatsu. The kunoichi had donned his kimono again and was sitting demurely on his shins, his long ponytail held by flowered hair ornaments. "That's a GUY?!" "Technically, that's true, I suppose," Konatsu admitted reluctantly. "But he's got TITS!" "No, he's got pepper-bombs," Ranma chuckled. "Don't ask." "Another cross-dresser," Taro said disgustedly. "I should have known. But then what about him?" He indicated Ukyo and his lip curled. "Is he a gay-boy?" "WHAT?! I'm one hundred percent girl, buster, and don't you forget it!" Ukyo said dangerously. Taro eyed her flat chest, cross-legged seat, and okonomiyaki- chef's costume. "Right. Of course you are." An implication suddenly occurred to him. "You mean I got kissed all over my face by a cross-dressing ninja?!" "It's not like I enjoyed it," Konatsu said, grimacing. "AARGH!" "Now, now, Taro-san," Kasumi said soothingly. "I'm sure Konatsu-san didn't mean any harm by it, and it all came right off. See?" She displayed the stained handkerchief before tucking it away. To the others' surprise, Taro simmered down. "Well, all right. She, uh, he better not try that again, though." "I can assure you I won't," Konatsu said dryly. "Say, what's this?" Ranma inquired, picking up a flat package from among the sparse clutter in the shrine. "Don't touch that!" Taro said sharply. "That's for Happosai." He smirked suddenly. "On second thought, open it and have a look. Your character could stand some improvement too." "Says you," Ranma countered, but he put the package down. "Heh. Girly-boy's getting smarter. Too bad. That's the Mirror of Repentance. I borrowed it from a temple in Tibet." "'Borrowed'?" Ranma said skeptically. "Yeah. Borrowed. As in with their blessing and I have to take it back. You should try it sometime." "So what does it do?" Akane asked. "The monks said it's a powerful talisman for redeeming wayward souls," Taro said seriously. "If you see your reflection in it, it shows you your worst sins; whatever you regret the most about your life. I'm going to show it to Happosai. That's why I came here, really. It's why I was chasing him that night." "Huh," Ranma said. Everyone looked at the package and thought about their own regrets for a moment. Taro eyed them. "Anyone want to have a look?" "No way." "Uh, no." "No thanks." "Uh-uh." "I'd rather not." "Heh. There's hope for you yet." Taro retrieved the package and put it in his satchel. "Speaking of regrets," Kasumi said, "I believe you all have something to say to Taro-san. Akane?" Akane bit her lip. "I'm sorry I came charging into your place, Taro-kun," she said. "Even though you came charging into ours, and wrecked it a few times, and... well, sorry." "I'm sorry I let these loons talk me into beating on you," Ukyo said, indicating Ranma and Akane. "I apologize for attacking you... and for the haircut, Taro- sama," Konatsu said, bowing from his seated position. Taro fingered his hair, which fortunately didn't show quite as much damage as it had in his monster form, and nodded. "Apologies accepted." He glanced at Ranma, who was leaning against the wall with his arms folded stubbornly. "Aren't we missing someone?" "Yeah, right," Ranma snorted. "I don't hear you apologizing for kidnapping Kasumi." Taro shrugged. "That's between me and her. For you... no apology, no reason why I should let you share my roof tonight. You say you're sorry, or you sleep outside." He smirked. "Get real. Who's gonna keep me out?" Ranma suddenly noticed how the people who HAD apologized were glaring at him. "Hey--!" ~~~~~ Ranma sat in the dark outside the shrine, sulking. He'd chosen the lee side of the building, and the spring breezes did not carry winter's chill, but they weren't exactly warm, either. He caught voices and laughter from inside and wrapped his arms a little tighter around his knees. A dark figure came around the corner of the shrine, but Ranma didn't notice it until it spoke. "Honestly, Ranma. And you call Taro-kun bullheaded." "Yak-brained." "Whatever. Look what I brought you," Akane said, squatting next to him and holding out a steaming cup. Ranma's nostrils twitched. Soup. Kasumi's soup. "Thanks, Akane." He took the cup and sipped to gauge its temperature, then drank carefully. "Taro-kun wasn't exactly prepared for guests; there's something of a blanket shortage. They're having a little trouble working out the sleeping arrangements in there. But if you're sleeping out here, then I'm sleeping out here, too." Akane shook out a blanket. "Okay. Hey, how come only one blanket?" Pause. "Ranma, I'll give you just five seconds to tell me why I only brought one blanket. If you can't, I'm going to go in and cuddle with Konatsu. One." "Uh... they'd only let you take one blanket?" "True, but that's not it. Two." "You're going to keep it for yourself and leave me to freeze?" "Maybe I should. Three." Ranma smirked in the dark; he was beginning to enjoy this. "You're going to give it to me and practice aura control all night?" "Four. Ranma, stop teasing!" Akane sounded genuinely distressed, probably at the prospect of having to carry out her vow. "You're such a hot babe that you can keep both of us warm even without a blanket?" Ranma suddenly noticed stars reflected in Akane's eyes. "Oh, Ranma!" Glomp! Smooch! "Why don't you say things like that to me more often?" she accused him after coming up for air. "Because he's an idiot," came Taro's amused voice. "Eeep!" Ranma suddenly noticed four nearby silhouettes. "Really, Ranma, I was beginning to worry," said Kasumi. "Akane, why do you put up with this jackass?" Ukyo asked. "'...even without a blanket'," Konatsu muttered absently, writing rapidly in a small notebook. "AARGH!" ~~~~~ "We're home!" The echoes of the call had barely faded when Soun came galloping around the corner into the front hall. His eyes lit up when he spotted Kasumi, still wearing her elegant kimono, surrounded by teenaged martial artists. "Kasumi! You're safe!" "Well, of course I'm safe, Father," Kasumi said. "Really, all this concern is embarrassing." Soun noticed Taro, standing among the others. Taro waved casually. Soun's eyes narrowed. "How dare you come back here after what you've done, you scoundrel?!" Taro bridled, but forbore to comment. "He's here as my guest, Father," Kasumi said. "I've forgiven him, not that he did much to forgive, and I hope you will too. After all, you did provoke him." Soun's jaw dropped. "I? But-- Then-- Well, what about the omiai?" "Oh, that. Since it was such a mess, I'm going to just ignore it," Kasumi said, moving past Soun and down the hall. "I'm not engaged to Taro-san. Yet." Soun stared after her. "'Yet'?" He leaned against the wall. "Oh, hell." "Here, 'Father', let me help you to your easy chair," came Taro's voice. Soun glared over his shoulder. "Don't push it, boy." He tottered off down the hall, muttering. "Well, I'm going back to the shop," Ukyo announced. She snickered suddenly. "Look me up next time you have a rescue mission. This one was a lot of fun." "Thanks for coming with us, Ukyo," Akane said, bowing. "And, Konatsu, I really appreciate your help." "It was nothing, Akane-sama," Konatsu said graciously. "I am at your service. It was a pleasure to meet you, Taro-sama." "See you around," Taro said, a little uncomfortably. "'Bye, guys!" Ukyo waved and left, followed by Konatsu. Taro watched them go. "From behind, they look like a couple," he said, shaking his head. "Amazing. If 'sama' means what I think it means, that kid's got a real self-image problem, though." "It does and he does," Akane said. "He's had a rough life too. Things have been better for him since he came here, though. Maybe things will get better for you." Taro looked at Akane sharply, but her dark eyes were open and honest. "Huh. Maybe." "In the meantime, you're our guest, like my sister said. And, Taro-kun--" "Yeah?" "We prefer that our guests don't smash our house," Akane said evenly. "It really puts a crimp in our ability to offer hospitality." "I'll keep that in mind," Taro said, smirking. He followed Akane and Ranma into the main room. ~~~~~ "Dinner, everyone!" Kasumi's clear voice gathered her family-- and guest-- around the table in the main room. "Heh-heh-heh!" Happosai cackled, bouncing in and rubbing his hands. "Kasumi-chan, things just weren't the same without you. I had to go a long way to raid decent food last night." Taro reached for his satchel. "Hey, old man, look here," he said casually. Ranma and Akane realized what was about to happen and carefully averted their eyes. Happosai turned, saw his reflection in the tarnished brass and silver mirror, and froze. Tears formed in his wide eyes and rolled down his wizened cheeks. "Oh, what a fool I've been!" he sobbed. "Hah!" Taro exulted. "Now you regret giving me this silly name! Well, you can atone by giving me a new one, a good one--" "Don't be silly," Happosai snorted. "I don't regret that one bit! What I regret is all the opportunities I've let slip by! Well, no more!" "Uh oh," Nabiki muttered. "I don't like the sound of this." She crossed her arms over her chest, but she was too late. Happosai whirled away from the mirror and pounced. "EEEK!" "Sweeto!" Happosai cried. "Nice buns, Nabiki-chan!" "Oh, dear," Kasumi said, then wished she hadn't. "Kasumi-chan! I've neglected you too long!" Happosai bounced across the room, swarmed up Kasumi's apron, and latched onto her bosom. Goosh! "What a rack!" he cried, happily groping. "Oh, my!" Kasumi's gasp released Soun and Taro from their frozen states, but it was Ranma who acted first, scooping up a glass of water and splashing himself. Rip! "Hey, old fart, get a load of these!" Happosai turned his head from his frottage and saw Ranma's exposed breasts. "Woo-hoo! Young stuff! Hotcha!" He launched himself from Kasumi, sailed across the room with his arms outstretched, dodged Ranma's fist, and landed in heaven. "Sweeto!" "Eeegh!" Ranma's fingers wriggled in disgust, but it was better than-- "Young... stuff." All eyes turned; that was Kasumi's voice, but-- The eyes bulged. Kasumi was standing with her head down, her fists clenched, and a modest but definite battle aura flaring around her. "Young stuff?" "I'll pound him for you," Taro promised fervently. He struck. Happosai stuck out a finger and stopped Taro's fist, leaving himself wide open for a perfect time-on-target salvo from Akane's elbow, Ranma's knee, and Kasumi's foot. "YOUNG STUFF?!" WHACK-THUD-POW! "Good shots," Taro said admiringly. He picked Happosai's limp body up by the back of the collar and shook it a little. The old man's head lolled. "Serves him right." "Taro-san, I don't wish to sound critical, but... what on earth were you thinking?" Taro gave Kasumi a puzzled look. "Huh? He got what he deserved for groping you and insulting you. What did I do?" "I suppose you wouldn't know." Kasumi sighed and shook her head. "You see, up until now Ojii-san has only molested Ranma and Akane. Nabiki and I were, um, left alone." "And glad to be," Nabiki muttered. "By showing Ojii-san the mirror while we were present, you changed that. How can I ever thank you, Taro-san?" Taro, still holding Happosai like a bag of gelatin, gulped. Ranma nudged him in the ribs. "Speaking from my experience as a husband," she whispered loudly, "my advice would be to apologize. A lot. Now." ~~~~~ Kasumi's happy humming filled the kitchen when Akane came in the next morning. "Um, Kasumi, I don't know how to tell you this, but Taro-kun wasn't in the dojo when I went to call him for breakfast." "I know," Kasumi said. "He got up early, had a quick bite to eat, and left." "Oh, Kasumi...." Akane's voice was sympathetic. Kasumi turned to face her sister. "It's all right, Akane. He just wanted to get an early start. He said he had to return the mirror to the temple. He said he'd come back, though." "Oh." Akane paused, considering the most tactful way to phrase what she wanted to say next. "And do you think he will?" "Oh, yes." "Um... do you want him to?" Kasumi laughed. "Oh, yes. How else will I find out whether I want him to stay?" She sobered and lowered her voice. "But we're not doing it the traditional way anymore. I mean, you got married the traditional way--" "More or less," Akane interjected wryly. "--but you're not a traditional girl; I'm a traditional girl, I suppose, but that omiai just didn't work. So Taro-san and I talked it over, and we decided that that little adventure was our first date. We'll have more dates, and we'll see." "Uh huh. And do you kiss on the first date, sister?" "Why, Akane!" Kasumi winked. "Even if I did, I wouldn't tell." "Darn. Well, I wish you the best anyway." Akane left. Kasumi waited until she was gone, and then touched her lips absently. Her smile brightened. Taro might be the one, or he might not... but her life, which had seemed like a long dark tunnel with only more dark at the end, suddenly appeared to be opening up around her. She picked up the rice cooker and carried it out into the main room. "Breakfast, everyone!" ~~~~~ end chapter 3 ~~~~~ Translation notes: When he first appears in manga volume 18 chapter 1, Ranma calls the mysterious attacker "Pansutoyarou" (pantyhose guy) because of the pantyhose he leaves draped around his victims. It's not until chapter 9 that we learn that Happousai named him "Pansutotarou". This is apparently supposed to be a hilarious pun. :) "Tarou" can be a given name itself, but it is very frequently found as the ending of a given name for boys; it means "plump son" and is therefore auspicious. I think it very likely that "Tarou" is not Pansutotarou's family name, but the last two syllables of his given name. I could have translated the whole name as "Pantyhoseplumpson", or left it as "Pansutotarou"; I chose the mixed "Pantyhose-Tarou" because I preferred that ("pansuto" is borrowed from English anyway), and I left off the "u" because that's the romanization system I'm using (mostly). Pansutotarou addresses Ranma as "okamayarou". "Okama" means "kettle"; it's a slang term for a gay male. I translate this as "girly-boy" because I think it's Ranma's "feminine nature" that Pansutotarou is disparaging.