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Effective Listening
(Click Here for Printable Version) Ten Q-TIPS FOR EFFECTIVE LISTENING 1. Stop talking! 2. Put the speaker at ease by being attentive. 3. Show the speaker you want to listen. 4. Remove distractions. 5. Empathize with the speaker. 6. Be patient. 7. Control your emotions. 8. Go easy on arguments and criticisms. 9. Ask questions for clarification. 10. Stop talking! Taken from Davis, K. (1977).
CHARACTERISTICS OF A GOOD LISTENER Be there: Be present in mind, heart, and spirit. HEAR what they say. Accept : Don’t make judgments or hesitate. Trust : Put trust in the other person’s abilities. Acknowledge that they have valid points and interesting thoughts. Listen : Don’t plan what you’ll say while they are talking. Listen and focus. Remain Objective : Listen with an open mind. Stay with Them: Don’t become them, but understand what they are saying.
RESPONSES THAT BLOCK COMMUNICATION The Evaluator: “You should have...” or, “You should know better...” The Solver: “Why don’t you try...” or, “It would be better if...” The Topper: “That’s nothing. I...” or, “When it happened to me...” The Shrink: “What you need is...” or, “You feel that way because...” The Lawyer: “Why...” or, “Who...” or, “When...” The Boss: “You had better...” or, “If you don’t...” The Professor: “Here’s where you went wrong...” The Pollyanna: “You’ll get over it...” or, “It’s not so bad...”
A QUIZ TO HELP YOU To take a look at how well you listen, take the following self rated evaluation. Think about the questions and your answers. Be honest. 1 - Almost Always 2 - Usually 3 - Seldom 4 – Never
1. Do you let people finish what they’re saying before you speak? _____ 2. If the person hesitates, do you try to encourage them instead of starting your reply?____ 3. Do you withhold judgment of the person until they finish? ____ 4. Can you listen fully even though you think you know what they will say? ____ 5. Can you listen non-judgmentally even if you don’t like the person that is talking?_____ 6. Do you stop what you’re doing and give full attention when listening?____ 7. Do you give the person appropriate eye contact, head nods, and other indications that you are listening?__ 8. Do you listen attentively regardless of the speaker’s manner (grammar, accent, tone)?____ 9. Do you question the person to clarify their ideas?____ 10. Do you restate, paraphrase what’s said and ask if you understood?____ 10-15 PRETTY GREAT! 15-20 Doing okay. You’re aware. 20-30 Work on consciously listening. 30-40 You need to work on listening more.
“Easy listening exists only on the radio.” -David Barkan Information adapted from Occidental College-Office of Student Life |