Inspired by Vincent Seifert's Centaur series, and with his permission, help, and *ahem* approval. Of course, he swore never to go here, so I thought I'd take a shot. C&C, Flames and Death-threats are most welcome. Oh, you actually want one? Well, this fic is rated M; it contains Language, Sexual References and some Innuendo. --- Songs: A Cadenza for Kasumi A Ranma 1/2 Spamfic By Kagami --- Mornings at the Tendo Dojo followed a typical routine. Ranma and his father would battle over the koi pond, dunk each other, and come inside for hot water and breakfast, leaving the poor koi to collect on their life insurance. Both the hot water and food was provided by Kasumi, whose ever-present and calming influence made breakfasts a joyous occasion for the assembled Tendos and Saotomes. That is, joyous in the sense that the food was plentiful and excellent, and Kasumi was always ready to refill empty bowls with a bright smile. This morning was no exception - except that Kasumi looked a little... peaked. "Are you all right, Onee-chan?" asked a concerned Akane, as she stared at her sister's wan face. "Oh, I'm fine, Akane. I just need a little more sleep, that's a--" Kasumi broke off suddenly, the rice paddle slipping from her fingers to fall with shocking abruptness onto the floor. The room spun about before her eyes, and a numbing lethargy stole the energy from her limbs. She fell forward, no longer able to maintain her posture, and collapsed on the tatami mat. "Kasumi!" The cry echoed from the lips of everyone present. Soun, who had been beside her, reacted first: rolling her into the recovery position, taking her pulse, and fanning her vigorously with a hand-towel... while wailing out his despair. "Kasumi, please don't die! Not the way your mother did," he sobbed brokenly. "Dad, Mom died in a car accident, remember?" Nabiki pointed out acidly. She crowded around with the others, anxious to see how Kasumi was. "Oh, right," responded Soun with a weak laugh. "I'm all... right," Kasumi said in what was obviously meant to be a reassuring tone. It fell a trifle flat. "I guess I've been overdoing it a bit..." "Please just rest, Onee-chan," Akane said worriedly. "I'll call Tofu-sensei right away." She turned to head for the telephone, but stopped at Kasumi's voice. "No, please don't, Akane. It's nothing, I'm sure." Kasumi struggled to get up. "It's just that I was out so late with Taro-san last night, and..." she trailed off. "Please, Father, can I have some tea?" "Of course, Kasumi." Soun poured a cupful of the hot tea, and moved to hand it to his daughter. "That bastard!" Akane erupted as she leapt to a hasty conclusion. "He took advantage of you, didn't he?!" "What?!" The teacup shattered in Soun's hand. Tea splashed all over his arm, but in the grip of a tremendous rage, he ignored it. "How dare that-- that--" Unable to finish his sentence, Soun sprang to his feet, intent on hunting down the Chinese vagabond. His mind quickly sought out the locations of the items he'd need: spear, bow, arrows, armour.... "I'll come with you," declared Ranma hotly. "Why, that lousy Pantyhose! I'll beat the snot out of him this time!" Unnoticed to all, Genma decided that the present was an excellent time to visit Nodoka, and quietly slipped away. "No! He didn't... that is, we didn't... um, it wasn't like that... really, Akane, Father, Ranma," Kasumi stammered, flushing a little. "It wasn't like that, huh?" Nabiki questioned. "You didn't say that nothing happened," she added, quick to pick up the discrepancy. "So what did happen last night, onee-san?" she asked, handing Kasumi a new cup of tea. "Uh, well, you know.... It wasn't the first time, all right?!" Kasumi suddenly blurted out, feeling a little exasperated. "And he didn't take advantage of me, either! It was mutual." Soun froze in midstep at hearing this outburst from his eldest daughter. Ranma flashed a hand in front of the Tendo patriarch's eyes and received no response. "He's out of it," he announced, only to realize that no one was paying attention to him. "So? So? Details, Onee-san. We want details," Akane and Nabiki chorused. "Um, Taro-san has many talents." Kasumi stared down into her teacup, avoiding the curious, prurient, appalled, and shocked gazes sweeping her way. "You could say that I was the one who took advantage of him..." And again... and again... and... her mind noted in delight. Kasumi blinked, feeling slightly dazed. "Um..." "Wow," Nabiki commented as she clicked on her stopwatch. "You were out for a full five minutes. Taro must be really talented to inspire that kind of flashback." A thought struck her, and she contemplated her older sister's reticient figure. "Hmm, you can't mean that you and his cursed form...?" she speculated with relish. "Nabiki! How could you suggest something like that?!" Akane blurted out. "I'm sure that--" "Well... actually..." Kasumi looked deeper into the empty teacup as she felt the weight of the stares increase tenfold. Why, what a fascinating crack the cup had on the bottom. She'd never noticed it before. "Way to go, sis!" said Nabiki, cheerily, before cautiously asking, "But isn't he... um... kinda large?" "That's right," Ranma added. "Pantyhose is fricking huge in his cursed form. There's no way you and he could-- Oooof!" He broke off as Akane planted an elbow into his side. Kasumi coughed and blushed faintly. "Taro-san has a mirror from China that shrinks his cursed form to normal size. He's still... um... well-equipped, though." "Ranma, you'd better be well-equipped, too," Akane whispered, sotto voce. "Hey! It's not how big it is, it's how you use it," Ranma whispered back defensively. "All right, you'd better be darn good, too." "Urk." "I'll bet," Nabiki said, as a calculating glint appeared in her eye. "And all those tentacles, too..." At this, Kasumi looked up to stare at her younger sister. "Nabiki Tendo, if I catch you anywhere near Taro-san and myself with a camera, I'll... I'll never bake you another of your Heavenly Delight cookies ever again!" "Onee-san! You wouldn't!" Nabiki gasped in horror as the threat exposed her one major weakness: her desperate need for sugary munchies. Seeing that her elder sister wasn't going to relent, she mumbled a regretful promise to stay away. Kasumi couldn't help but hide a slight smile at Nabiki's forlorn look. Taro-san had been quite right: power was a thrilling trip. Soun, finally recovered from his shock, unleashed his patented sobbing wail Number 666: 'My eldest daughter's been degrading herself with a tentacled monster!'. "Everyone, please, that's enough," Kasumi said in a steely tone. "Taro-san and I are consenting adults. What we do together is no one else's business." "But, Onee-chan!" This from Akane. "What does it feel like to do it with those tentacles?" This from Nabiki. "I just can't believe it." This from Ranma. "Waaah!" Guess. "If you don't stop acting like this, I'll-- I'll-- I won't cook any meals for a week!" Things finally got back to normal after that. Mornings at the Tendo Dojo followed a typical routine. This wasn't one of them. ---