Taming of the Horse

Story by Vincent Seifert

Audio script adaptation by Gary Kleppe

- Prologue -

[Outdoor background noises. Sound of two pairs of feet running.]

Akane

What's the matter, Ranma?

Ranma

Whaddaya mean?

Akane

You're walking down here with me. I've never seen you do that before. Every time we've gone to school, you've gone along the top of the fence.

Ranma

So?

Akane

So why the change?

Ranma

It's nothin'. It's just that... it's nothin'. [pause] Look, you know all the stuff we've had to put up with lately. Saffron. Kiima. Happosai. Spirits. Demons. You name it.

Akane

[somewhat teasingly] I thought you could handle all of that, mister hot shot martial artist.

Ranma

Of course, I can, sure. But, um... look, I'm just kinda tired of it, all right?

Akane

Sure. Gome on, we're almost there.

[footsteps increase in pace. HS student voices appear in the background.]

Kuno

Hold, Saotome!

Ranma

Hey, Kuno, what's up?

Kuno

Silence, Saotome! Prepare thyself to face the just wrath of Heaven! I shall smite thee for thy transgressions against all womenkind! HA!

[Sound of air whooshing as Kuno strikes and Ranma dodges.]

Kuno

What trickery is this?!

Ranma

Lookin' for this?

Kuno

Fiend! Return my bokken at once!

Ranma

Forget your stick, Kuno. Try it my way. No weapons. Just fists against face.

Kuno

[pause] You are indeed a true barbarian, Saotome. I shall face you again when the time is right.

Ranma

Anytime, Kuno Just don't bring a katana like ya did to the wedding. Someone might get hurt. [Slight emphasis on the word 'someone'.]

[footsteps recede. Kuno grunts and groans some more.]

Kuno

Aaargh! I shall retrieve my bokken!

Gardener

Excuse me, sonny.

Kuno

And whom might you be, old man?

Gardener

I'm the gardener around here, sonny. I don't care what you young folks do to each other, but leave the landscaping out of it. You think trees grow on trees or something? It takes years of work - MY work - and you kids just chop 'em down or shred them into excelsior or, or run bokkens through them....

[Linking music]

[Background: students gabbing in the halls of Furinkan.]

Yuka

Oh, hi, Ranma!

Ranma

Hey, Yuka. You didn't see where Akane went, didja?

Yuka

In there.

Ranma

Aaaagh!

Yuka

Is anything wrong?

Ranma

Well, it's just that... I mean, what if someone attacked her there?

Yuka

In the bathroom? Who'd do a thing like that?

Ranma

Who knows? There's always some crazy or other around.

Yuka

I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, Ranma. I've got to get to class. See you!

Ranma

The girl's bathroom... okay, then.

[Sound of footsteps, followed by a splash of water, then more footsteps. A door opens.]

Akane

RANMA?! What are you doing in here?

Onna-Ranma

Ummm... I have to go?

Akane

This is the GIRLS' bathroom! I don't care if you look like one, you're NOT a girl, and you're not coming in here!

Onna-Ranma

But, Akane, what if....

Akane

'What if' what?!

Onna-Ranma

[Sulkily] Nothin'.

[linking music; background sounds of Home Ec class]

Teacher

Excuse me, young lady.

Onna-Ranma

Hi!

Teacher

I've never seen you here before. I don't believe you're supposed to be in this class.

Onna-Ranma

Umm... I'm a substitute?

Teacher

What?

Onna-Ranma

Yeah, that's it. One of your regular students couldn't make it, and...

Akane

Honestly, Ranma, what do you think you're doing? Quit following me around, or I'll....

Onna-Ranma

Heh. Heh. See ya!

[linking music]

[sound of feet walking down stairs]

Kasumi

Oh, hello, Akane! I didn't even know you were home yet.

Akane

Hi, Kasumi. I'm going outside to look at the roof.

Kasumi

The roof?

Akane

Yeah. I was just in my room and I heard some weird noise from the ceiling. Kasumi. Oh! That must have been Ranma.

Akane

Huh?

Kasumi

I saw him sitting up there just a minute ago when I was sweeping the porch.

Akane

Ranma's sitting on the roof?! Why?

Kasumi

[pause] Good question. [pause] Actually, he looks quite nice up there. Like the town watchman, making sure that all is well.

Akane

That's it!

Kasumi

Pardon?

Akane

That's why he's been following me around all day. It all makes sense now. He thinks he's *guarding* me!

Kasumi

Oh my, do you really think so? [pause] Well, that's a nice thing for him to do... isn't it?

Akane

Yes. No. I don't know. It's just that.... look, can we go somewhere and talk?

Kasumi

Of course! Come on.

[Sound of feet walking up stairs; door opening, and then closing.]

Kasumi

Have a seat.

Akane

Thanks.

Kasumi

Now, what did you want to talk about? Ranma-kun?

Akane

I guess. I just wish I knew how to make him be nicer to me. I wish he'd take me places, like other guys take their, um, girlfriends.

Kasumi

Well, Akane, I'm not sure what I can tell you. After all, I'm not the one who had dozens of boys chasing after her. I don't go out on dates. I've never had a strong, handsome fiance. [Note: This last line is said in her normal tone, without any hard edge or bitterness.]

Akane

Oh, Kasumi.... 'Strong, handsome fiance?' You, you're not...?

Kasumi

[laughs slightly] Oh, my, no. He's not my type at all. [slightly wistfully] Sometimes I wonder what my type is.... [back to normal tone] But that doesn't mean I don't have eyes. I can see what Shampoo sees, and Ukyo, and Kodachi... and you.

Akane

I... um... er, that is....

Kasumi

Sister. [pause] If you really don't want him, I'll talk to Father about releasing you from the engagement.

[pause; Small grunt of discontent from Akane.]

Kasumi

So. You don't have to admit the truth to him just yet, but if you don't admit it to yourself, you can still keep yourself from happiness.

Akane

I can what?

Kasumi

If you don't know what you want, only luck will make you happy. If you know what you want, you can plan for it and work toward it. I won't give you advice. [slight tremble in voice, but still no hard edge] I'm not... I'm not Mother. But if you want someone to talk with about your problems, sister to sister, I'd be glad to. My goodness, I'll probably learn something from you!

Akane

[laughs] Sure, I'll tell you everything you need to know about punishing jerks, being kidnapped by monsters, and frustrating two generations of Kunos! [becomes serious] But Kasumi... what about your happiness? Until.... [gulp] Until just now I hadn't even thought that you might not be. I'm... I'm sorry.

Kasumi

Oh, but I am happy. I know my work is appreciated, especially since Ranma-kun and Uncle Saotome came. And their guests are so very entertaining. It's hard to remember how dull life was before, isn't it?

Akane

I guess.

Kasumi

Only... [wistful] I miss Tofu-sensei since he left. It could have been a good match.

Akane

[mumbles to herself] Sure, if he'd prescribed himself some tranquilizers.

Kasumi

I'm sorry?

Akane

Er... I said, I wonder whether anyone has heard from him recently?

Kasumi

Not that I know of. Now, I must admit to being curious about something. You and Ranma-kun told us all what happened on your trip to China, but I couldn't help thinking there were some parts you skimmed over. Why don't you tell me about Jusendo?

Akane

[gulp] Er... okay....

[link music]

[outdoor background noises]

Ranma

Hey, we made it all the way to the library without being challenged, attacked, splashed, or glomped once. That's gotta be a record.

Akane

Look, I'm going to be an hour working on that report on livestock, so why don't you just go find something else to do?

Ranma

Why shouldn't I go in there?

Akane

The last time you went into the library, you got bored in five minutes and started a book-war that took Nishimoto-sensei four days to clear up, and she still blames me for it. Now I'm going in there for an hour, and you're not. Deal with it.

Ranma

But--

[door slams shut, and we no longer hear Ranma. Muted whispers are in the background, and we hear footsteps.]

Akane

[mumbles to herself] Darn Ranma, he gets me in so much trouble!

Just stop thinking about him for an hour... Let's see... livestock...

[in exasperation] ARGH!

[BAM!]

Nishimoto

Surely you're not abusing the shelving, are you, Tendo?

Akane

Er, no, ma'am. It's just that the kanji character on this book spine is the same as "ma" as in "Ranma," and... um, never mind.

Akane

[quietly, to herself] The Taming of the Horse: An Equestrian's Guide? That's not what I want at all. [pause] Or is it?

[linking music]

[Sounds of Kasumi washing dishes]

Akane

If you have a minute....

Kasumi

Yes, sister?

Akane

Well, there's something I'd like to chat with you about. [pauses, then lowers voice] Privately.

[Sound of feet walking up stairs; door opening, and then closing.]

Akane

Um... Nabiki can't hear us, can she?

Kasumi

[sigh] Really, Akane, she knows better than that. If I caught her eavesdropping on me, I would be quite vexed.

Akane

She does it to me all the time, and I get a lot more than vexed, but it doesn't stop her.

Kasumi

Well, for you to be vexed is one thing.... So, what would you like to chat about?

Akane

Oh, right. I found this book in the school library, and it said some interesting things. Like this... and here....

Kasumi

An Equestrian's Guide? Are you thinking of taking up riding?

Akane

No! [embarrassed] Um... while I was reading, it suddenly occurred to me that some of the advice in the book fit... um... me-and-Ranma.

Kasumi

If you don't mind my asking, who is to be the rider and who the, ah, ridee?

[Sound of Akane facefaulting, if you sfx people can figure out what that sounds like. ^_^]

Akane

[pause] I'm the, um, trainer. Ranma's the horse. It was his name that gave me the idea in the first place, sort of.

Kasumi

I see. [Sounds of pages being flipped] Oh, my. I do see.

Akane

And here....

Kasumi

Oh, my goodness. If I were you, I would make sure Ranma-kun doesn't find out about this. He might get the wrong idea.

Akane

I know. That's one reason I was worried about Nabiki. I don't need to hide the book -- I have to return it in two weeks anyway -- but I have to hide what I'm up to. Do you think it'll work?

Kasumi

Well.... Well, assuming you intend to take the book's methods metaphorically rather than literally....

Akane

[half-jokingly] I'm not going to put a bridle on him, if that's what you mean. [becomes serious] But I told you about Jusendo. I'm sure he loves me. He's not sure I love him. That's the only weapon I've got. If I just tell him right out, I'll scare him off. The wedding proved that.

[Vince's note: The last part of this line, and the first part of Akane's next paragraph, should be delivered in a way that will make clear to the listener that Jusendo really frightened Akane, and that she's now very sure that Ranma loves her.]

Kasumi

Since you mention it, I was wondering about the wedding. To tell you the truth, I was a little surprised that you went along with it, after you put up such a fuss the first time.

Akane

That was before Jusendo. That was when I was afraid Ranma didn't love me. That was before.... [pause] I didn't tell Father everything about Jusendo because... well, you know how he is. But we came so close to dying there that it still scares me. I thought if we could just be married, then everything would be all right somehow. [snort] I should have known it would all fall apart.

Kasumi

It was quite a mess, wasn't it? I was expecting you to be furious, or hurt, but you didn't hit poor Ranma-kun even once....

Akane

I wasn't mad, I was... exasperated. I gave that idiot the perfect chance. I saw how he looked at me. Why couldn't he just SAY it?!

Kasumi

[pause] Well, since you're sure he loves you, you could just wait for him to tell you so, you know.

Akane

[a bit grim] I don't think we have time. Half a dozen times in the last year, it could have all gone wrong forever. Mount Horai, Ryugenzawa, even those silly mushrooms. No, I can't wait any more. I have to do something.

Kasumi

Akane... are you sure about this?

Akane

[sigh] Yes. Yes, I'm sure. He's rude, insensitive, and immature, but I don't care. I want him. I want him more than anything. If I can be in control the way the book says, I can... tame him. Just enough so he'll let himself be mine.

Kasumi

[gently] You'll have to be in control of yourself even more.

Akane

I know. The book says that too. I have to be 'patient, understanding, and firm.' It's harder to get mad at Ranma now that I know how he really feels about me, though. I think I can manage.

Kasumi

What about the other girls?

Akane

I don't know. Sometimes I feel so, so inadequate compared to them. But Ranma hasn't gone off with one of them, so I must have a chance.

Kasumi

Oh, I think you do. I think you have the best chance.

Akane

Do you suppose you could help, Kasumi? Ranma respects you. He's as polite to you as he is to anyone. Maybe you could....

Kasumi

If Ranma respects me, it's probably because I'm just about the only person he knows who's not trying to get him to do something. If I try to get him to do something, even for you, I'll probably lose that without doing any good.

Akane

Hmph.

Kasumi

Well, we'll see. I've been warning him when I saw he was about to do something foolish, and that doesn't seem to have done any harm. Or any good either. Oh well.

Akane

Everyone else has been meddling, and they've made a real botch of it. It'd just be nice to have someone on my side for a change.

Kasumi

Well, what are you planning to do, then?

Akane

[slowly] It's not exactly a plan. Ranma's not really a horse, after all. I can punish him when he does something wrong [Kasumi laughs very slightly, like a "heh" through the nose] but I haven't figured out how to reward him when he does something right. The book says carrots, but he doesn't like my cooking for [Kasumi lets out a single strangled giggle at this point] some silly-- Kasumi?!

Kasumi

[innocently] Hmmm?

Akane

Honestly. My own sister laughing at me. Anyway, I can't, um, train him that way. I can't change anything about me too much, because I don't know why he loves me, and I'm afraid I'll change something he likes. So I'm just going to try to keep from getting mad at him, and hope he'll be nice to me, and wait for the right moment to... well, I haven't figured that out yet.

Kasumi

My, Akane, what a cunning plan! [This should be right up to the edge of sarcasm, but not over it.]

Akane

[pause] I hope so. Well, that's it, I guess. Wish me luck....

[link music]

Nabiki

Oh, Akane?

Akane

Yes?

Nabiki

I saw this at a junk shop, and thought you might be able to use it.

Akane

[dubiously] A present? Thanks, Nabiki... I guess. [sounds of unwrapping] It's a....

Nabiki

A riding crop! Somehow I got the idea it might come in handy for you.

Akane

AAAAAGH! Nabiki!

[Sound of feet running; Akane on the warpath: HYA! Shrieks, of the between-delight-and-terror variety, from Nabiki. Crop whooshing through air. Misses. Hits. Things breaking. Whatever the budget can stand.]

Ranma

Jeez. At least she's not after me this time...

END PROLOGUE