Taming of the Horse, Part Two

Story by Vincent Seifert

Audio script by Gary Kleppe

HTMLized by Sean Hayden

Akane voice-over: Proper diet is essential to the health and good attitude of
your animal. Fresh, wholesome fodder must be available in quantities that may
surprise those not familiar with the appetites of horses... hay should be
supplemented with grains, especially if the horse is called upon to exercise
frequently... some attempt should be made to provide a variety of foods.

[Sound of food cooking on a grill]

Ukyo: (to herself) One lunchtime okonomiyaki coming right up... (beat) They say
the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... here I come, Ran-chan's

Ranma: Hey, Ucchan. Is that for me?

Ukyo: You bet, sugar. Here you go!

[sound of Ranma gobbling it up]

Ranma: Thanks, Ucchan. You're a pal!

Ukyo: A pal, he calls me.

Ranma: Huh?

Ukyo: Nothing, Ran-chan. Want another?

Ranma: Sure!

[sound of a bicycle bell]

Shampoo: Nihao, Ranma! Airen no fill up on silly pancake. I bring real food!
Deluxe ramen!

Ranma: Mmm...

[sound of Ranma slurping]

Akane: Ranma, you jerk! I'm a few minutes late for lunch and you start without
me! I even made your food today!

Ranma: Sorry, Akane. I was really hungry. Ya say ya got a bento for me?

Akane: [weakly] Sure. Here.... [beat. sound of Ranma eating] [begrudgingly]
Okay, it's not that good. So the rice is soggy on one side and hard on the
other. [on the verge of tears] And the kappa-maki looks like it got run over,
and I tried so hard, and....

Ranma: Not bad. Needs more wasabi, though. [several beats of stunned silence]
Hey! What're ya doing?

Ukyo: I'm feeling your forehead to see if you're feverish, Ran-chan.

Ranma: Cut it out! I ain't sick!

Ukyo: Look, I knew you were a human vacuum-cleaner, but you just sucked up two
okonomiyaki, a deluxe ramen, AND, [beat] one of Akane's lunches like a starving
man with a cast-iron stomach.

Shampoo: I see pig eat slower. And less.

Akane: [cautiously] Ranma, are you getting enough to eat at home?

Ranma: Well, of course! [beat] An' don't you say nothin' bad about my momma!
[sound of Ranma walking off, grumbling]

Shampoo: [softly] Aiya.

Ukyo: You said it.

Shampoo: Spatula girl understand what this mean?

Ukyo: Ran-chan's not getting enough to eat at home.

Shampoo: Mmm-hmm.

Ukyo and Shampoo: This is my chance!

[sound of grill]

Ukyo: Eek! My lunch is burning!

[transition music; school bell; sound of walking]

AKane: Ranma? About lunch....

Ranma: [gruffly] Yeah, I know. I guess maybe I over- reacted. It's a matter of
face, though. And not mine.

Akane: I think I understand. [beat] Um....

Ranma: [beat] Yeah?

Akane: [shyly] Was the lunch I made you really all right?

Ranma: [chuckle] Ya know, it went down so fast I don't really remember. Seems to
be sittin' okay, though.

Akane: Well... if you like, I could make you lunch every day....


Ranma: Sure. If ya want to, that is.

Akane: Really?! Wonderful!


[transition music; sound of Kasumi doing kitchen-type stuff]

Kasumi: Oh, welcome home, Akane. How did lunch go?

Akane: I quote: 'Not bad. Needs more wasabi.'

Kasumi: [puzzled] Well, isn't that good? You don't look happy about

Akane: I ate the same lunch. It was pretty bad, but Ranma ate it right up. And
then, on the way home, I asked him if he wanted me to make him lunches from now
on, and he agreed. Something's really wrong.

Kasumi: Well, you'll improve with practice. I'll help, of course. And....

Akane: That's not what I mean! Kasumi, what can you tell me about Ranma's eating

Kasumi: Well, he's a pleasure to cook for. He didn't always thank me in words,
but the look in his eyes was always so appreciative, it made me feel wonderful.
He told me once that when he came to live here, it was the first time in his
life that he'd ever had enough to eat. He has a good appetite, too, probably
because he's so energetic, and he doesn't eat too much junk food. Why?

Akane: Today he ate two of Ukyo's okonomiyaki, a big bowl of Shampoo's ramen,
AND the lunch I made him, in about two minutes, and didn't leave a scrap. I
didn't see him bring a lunch from home. I don't think he ate breakfast. And I'm
afraid he's not going to get much dinner. When we mentioned it, he got really
mad, like we'd insulted his mother.

Kasumi: Oh dear. Why do you think that was?

Akane: [beat] I think the Saotomes have problems. Maybe they can't afford to buy
enough food.

Kasumi: Do you really think so? [beat] Well, we certainly can't offer them
money, and we'd have to be tactful about offering food; Nodoka-sama is very
proud. I'm afraid all we can do is occasionally invite Ranma for supper, and
have you make his lunches. It was clever of you to suggest that. It'll mean
extra hard work, though.

Akane: I'll do whatever it takes.

[transition; linking music; sound of door opening and closing]

Ranma: I'm home, Mom!

Nodoka: Oh, Ranma. Look what your little friend brought!

Ranma: Little friend?

Shampoo: Nihao, airen!

Ranma: Oh, THAT little friend.

Shampoo: I bring dinner! See, yasai soup, ma-bo tofu, shrimp fried rice!
Number-one good food for growing boy!

Ranma: Um... you're sure it's okay, Mom?

Nodoka: Yes, of course. My, how delicious it smells!

Shampoo: Great-grandmother's best recipes. [somewhat suggestively] Good for

Ranma: [uncomfortable] Uh... I could eat faster if you weren't all over me,

Shampoo: Take time. I no mind.

Nodoka: Thank you, Shampoo, it was very kind of you to bring dinner.

Shampoo: Is nothing. Duty as wife to feed husband.

Nodoka: Well, I appreciate it. I'll go wash the dishes. Thank the nice girl,

Ranma: Uh... okay.

Shampoo: [somewhat suggestively] Ranma can think of *special* way to say thank

Ranma: Um... thank you very much for the food, Shampoo. I really appreciate it.

Shampoo: [beat] [disappointedly] You welcome.

Ranma: Were you expectin' something else?

[transition; schoolyard sounds]

Akane: Here's your lunch, Ranma.

Shampoo: Airen bring extra-large ramen for husband!

Ukyo: Here you go. My new super okonomiyaki, invented just for you, Ran-chan!


Hiroshi: Say, Ranma, is there anything there you're not going to eat?

Ranma: Get lost.

[sound of Ranma eating]

[transition; school bell; walking]

Akane: I can't believe you ate that whole meal. It was amazing. I mean, I've
seen you eat, but.... Nabiki is trying to figure out how to charge admission.

Ranma: [righteously] Like Shampoo said, I'm a growin' boy. Besides, I worked
most of it off running away from Kuno after those damn sprinklers came on.

Akane: [Giggle] Um... [sheepishly] was the lunch I made you any better?

Ranma: Well, the sausage-octopuses were mutants, the rice was a bit crunchy, and
I don't wanna know what you dressed the cabbage with, but yeah, it wasn't too

Akane: Really?!

Ranma: Uh, yeah. Keep at it for another ten years, and mebbe they'll be good --
[sound of schoolbag swinging at him] yipe! Hey, that was a compliment, you!

[sounds of running feet, schoolbag swinging, and Akane giggling dwindle
into the distance]

[transition; door opening and closing]

Ranma: I'm home! [to himself] Wonder which fiancee's here today.

Nodoka: Oh, there you are, Ranma. A nice young lady from Ucchan's dropped these
boxes by just a few minutes ago. She said Ukyo sent her regrets, but she was
unable to leave her shop.

Ranma: That was no lady, Mom.

Nodoka: I don't understand. She seemed quite well-mannered to me.

Ranma: That's not what I mean! Ah, never mind, Momma. Lemme drop my bag and I'll
be right there.

Nodoka: Oh, Ranma, since it's just us, would you change, please?

Ranma: [sigh] If I must....

[sound of Ranma walking out; splash of water; walking back; sitting down]

Onna-Ranma: Okay?

Nodoka: Ranma, if you wouldn't mind....

Onna-Ranma: Oh yeah. Sit like a lady. Right.

Nodoka: Thank you.

[Genma walking in]

Genma: Okonomiyaki for dinner, eh? Looks good!

Onna-Ranma: Hey! This one's mine, Pop!

Nodoka: [Icily] Dear.

Genma: Sorry.

Nodoka: Let's set an example for our daughter. I'll serve.

Genma: Yes, dear.

[sound of much chewing]

Nodoka: Well, I can certainly see why Dearest wanted to engage you to Ukyo-chan,
Ranma. She is a young lady of considerable talent.

Onna-Ranma: [uncomfortable] Yeah... uh, yes, she is. Does this mean you've
decided the engagement is valid?

Nodoka: [firm] By no means. Your engagement to Akane is the only valid one at
this time. I have not yet decided what should be done to restore honor with
respect to Kuonji-san.

[more chewing]

[transition; link music; door]

Ranma: I'm home! Hey, Mom, did you know there's a panel truck outside?

Nodoka: [low voice] Yes, I did. Go wash up and get changed.

Ranma: All right, Momma. [to himself] Wonder what all the fuss is about.

[walking; splash; more walking]

Kodachi: Pig-tailed girl? [beat] Is this girl your daughter, Okaa-sama?

Nodoka: [sigh] In a manner of speaking. I have only one child, and his name is
Saotome Ranma. This 'girl' you see before you is now my daughter, but she was
born my son, and she will be my son again very soon indeed, I assure you.

Kodachi: Hohohoho! What a fine jest! This is a true girl! Even if Ranma-sama
were a, er, transvestite, one so masculine as he could never appear so feminine,
no matter the skill of the costumer! [beat] I beg your pardon, Okaa-sama, but
this is becoming tiresome. This is not my Ranma-sama. May I ask where he is? I
heard his voice....

Onna-Ranma: I'm right here, Kodachi.

[sound of Ranma picking up teapot]

Nodoka: Ranma, that tea is for tonight's dinner.

[sound of water pouring]

Ranma: Ow, dammit, hot! Stupid leaves!

Kodachi: Pig... tailed... boy? Ooooooh. [sound of her fainting]

Ranma: She fainted? Geez, nobody's done that since Mister Tendo.

Nodoka: Put her down here and go get me a damp cloth. Whatever possessed you to
become a girl?

Ranma: You told me to! You said 'wash and change'!

Nodoka: Yes, yes. I meant change your clothes to something suitable for a nice
dinner. Well, what's done is done. I take it she didn't know about your

Ranma: I met her more'n a year ago, and she's never figured it out. I think
she's only actually seen me change once, though, and nobody ever explained it to
her straight. Maybe this time she'll get it.

Nodoka: Well, go wash and change again, and get it right this time.

[Some sort of music indicating Kodachi regaining consciousness]

Kodachi: [weakly] Oh, Ranma-sama... It's really you? [beat; more normally] I
seem to recall... Did I really see you change from a girl into a man?

Ranma: [sigh] Yeah, I am the 'pig-tailed girl', and she is me. Cold water
changes me into a girl, and hot water changes me back into a guy, but it's
always just me, and I'm really a guy, not a girl. It's Chinese magic. Long,
long, long story.

Kodachi: And Tatchi - my brother - his 'pig-tailed girl' [almost breaking into
laughter] - boy - Tendo Akane-

Ranma: You got it.


Ranma: [after she finishes] D'ya suppose you could explain it to bokken- boy?
I'm gettin' kinda tired of his idea of romance.

Kodachi: [snicker] Oh, I'll wager that you are, Ranma-sama. But no, you ask too
much of me. This is just too priceless. Besides, I doubt he would believe me;
Tatchi is a bit dim, you know.

Ranma: A bit?

Kodachi: I'm being kind, Ranma-sama. I'm a kind person.

Ranma: [sigh] Uh huh. So, what's with the truck and all?

Kodachi: Just a little get-acquainted dinner for my prospective other-in-law.
Since I understand you are a traditional family, I thought it fitting to serve
traditional food of our culture. And afterwards, perhaps we can discuss the
joining of our families [slight but noticeable thump; Ranma twitched and bumped
the table] is something the matter, Ranma-sama?

Ranma: Uh, cramp.

Kodachi: You poor dear. Perhaps later I can rub it for you? Also, I am curious
about this affliction of yours. Some interesting possibilities have occurred to
me already.... [raises voice] You may begin serving now!

[sounds of food being brought in, transitioning into link music]

Nodoka: What an interesting young lady she was. So polite and articulate, too,
if a bit enthusiastic on certain subjects. She certainly is a beauty, too. I
understand her family is quite wealthy....

Ranma: Momma, you can't be thinking....

Nodoka: She seems quite taken with you, dear.

Ranma: Please, Momma, no. I have too many fiancees already, and Kodachi's a
loon, an' her family is worse. Much, much worse. Trust me. It ain't worth it.

Nodoka: Well, since you are set against it.... What am I thinking? This is how
Genma made his mistakes, isn't it. [beat] Well, all is not lost. She can still
be your concubine.

Ranma: Ah heh. [sound of a facefault]

[transition; that old door sound again]

Ranma: I'm home! Which girl is here today?

Nodoka: Well, you're home a bit early. Then again, perhaps none of them....

Shampoo: Nihao! First time see airen today. I bring dinner for
family, yes?

Nodoka: Well.... Yes, thank you, Shampoo- chan. I'll just set the table.

Shampoo: Gyoza, cha-su-men, niku dango, tamago soup, gomoku rice. Ah, stir-fry
vegetable, very good for reflex.

Ranma: That's a lot of food, Shampoo.

Shampoo: I hear Kodachi come with truck- man. I show I better wife, yes? Big,
tasty bowl better than little bit raw fish, you see!

Ranma: Well, maybe, but I dunno if Mom and I can finish all of....

Ukyo: Oh, hi, Ran-chan! I was just passing by and thought you might like some
okonomiyaki! Someone called in a delivery order and then canceled. No sense
letting it go to waste, you know?

Ranma: They called in an order *that* size? Who were they, the entire Japanese

Ukyo: Shall we?

Shampoo: I sit next to Ranma!

Ukyo: Oh no you don't!

[sound of jostling]

Nodoka: Ladies!

Kodachi: OH HO HO HO HO HO HO!

Ranma: Not you too! What'll we do with all this food?


Nodoka: I guess there's only one thing we can do....

Ranma: Yup. [yells] HEY, POP!