The following is a poem that many of you can probably relate to.  That is
to say, if you are the owner of a PC and have ever tried to upgrade your
system yourself, I am sure that you have experienced the same frustration
that I have.  If you are like me, you have tried in the past to cut corners
with some of your equipment and have found that only leads to more problems.

I am not a poet; I have never written any poetry seriously, so please excuse
it for coming up short in the symbolism department. Your constructive
comments are certainly welcome...

My mother board, the whore

My poor poor mother board, she is a slut.
She can not really help being so, but
in that matter, I'll give her little choice.
Surely she'd say "no," if she had a voice.
See, if you will, a penis as a card.
To her it I give, then plainly discard,
because I have a new penis which will
run faster, giving me a greater thrill.
Into her PCI or ISA,
whichever is the new toy of the day.
For care not I which she would not prefer,
More important is where it fits in her.
Performance, never will I satisfy.
Better and better, I will always try.
And just when I have a big enough drive,
she, an instant to refresh and revive,
then back into action my wallet goes
and into her a brand new John I throws.
For I, to my mother board, but a pimp
who, when it comes to more speed, will not skimp.
And maybe see herself as little more
than a cheap abused technology whore.
When she is mad and threatens to leave me,
mocking, with knowing sarcasm I plea,
"Baby, Baby, where would you ever be
if it wasn't for the presents from me?
I give you all that you may ever need,
And for me to stop caring, you will plead?
How many you know with 32meg?
All the best for you, have never to beg."
With a grin, for I know I have her now,
I say, "Tell me, you would get along how?"
So, with her eyes surrendered to the floor,
I push that button for power once more.
Oh, sometimes she finds that strength to refuse
the new John which I have for her to use.
With disgust, to my whore I turn my back
and to myself, "I should have bought a Mac."

Copyright 1997, Paul Guyer